~My son went to bed at 7 pm Monday night and got up at 9:30 am on Tuesday. I think he was tired. I must say he was in quite the chipper mood most of the morning.
If only I could always ensure that he got all the rest he needed. I'm convinced that a lot of the "bad" behavior in children is a result of them being tired.
~My husband and I got to go away for a one night getaway this weekend. We were only away from supper Sunday night until lunch Monday morning, but there's just something about being able to relax and go out to dinner and not worry about taking Benjamin and all of Benjamin's necessities and getting him fed and getting him to bed on time etc etc etc. Thank goodness for Grandma's who don't mind coming and spending some time spoiling their grandson for a night. If you don't have regular date night's and a few getaways throughout the year planned into your marriage, I highly recommend it! (especially for those of you with little ones)
~I needed to pick up a few things at HyVee yesterday, so I decided to jog down (after all, it gets you there a lot faster than walking). When I got there, some guy saw me and said, "hey, I just saw you jogging down Devil's Glen!" I'm not sure if it was some kind of incredible surprise that I could've made it to the grocery store that fast or that I would have the audacity to go in the grocery store after jogging. Personally though I find the idea of jogging to go get food kind of amusing.
~My husband went to start drive his truck a couple of weeks ago and it wouldn't start. He spent some time researching and doing some different tests and finally figured out it was a starter gone bad. Within a couple hours last night he had it off and replaced and started and running better than ever. I just have to brag on him a bit because I'm always impressed when he fixes things by himself.
~I did not get out of my PJ's until sometime after 2 pm yesterday.
~I have a constant desire lately to go on some sort of vacation. The last one we went on was when I was about 4 months pregnant with Benjamin, and Kevin went to Colorado for training for a week or so, so technically, it was a work during the week and enjoy the nights and weekend kind of thing. Vacationing with a 1 1/2 year old just isn't the same, and we never know when we're going to move, so it makes it hard to plan something.
~Going back to our getaway thing, we got a HUGE hotel room. The last couple of times they have ended up upgrading us to a larger room than the one we booked, but this was definitely the biggest room I've ever stayed in. So much so, as we came to realize, it was BIGGER THAN OUR CONDO! I found that slightly depressing.
~We missed Sunday school the last two Sundays. One Sunday Benjamin slept through it, and another he had a runny nose so we thought we should keep him out of the nursery. Funny how our good intentions and desires get overrun by his needs.
~I think I'm finally starting to get caught up from our trip (2 weeks later). Yet I want to go on vacation. Makes a lot of sense, huh?
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Monday, May 28, 2012
Bible Study
Hello all my fellow bloggers and followers!
I have been mulling over the idea of beginning a bible study, and wondered if any of you might be interested in joining me. I would be starting the study next Monday, June 4th. Here is the study I am considering:
The study is entitled True Woman 101: Divine Design and is an 8 week study on biblical womanhood. You can find more info on the website:
http://www.truewoman101.com/
If you are interested in joining me, just leave me a comment here or send me a message. You would need to purchase the book, which is available at a variety of places for between $12-$15. You can go here for a list of retailers: http://www.moodypublishers.com/pub_productDetail.aspx?id=41823&pid=79990
Each week, I will post my answers to the weekly questions on my blog. If you are following along with me, you can feel free to respond and add to the conversation in the comments section of each post. The questions are available both in the book and on the website. There are also several video clips that you can watch on the website if you so desire, so it's really up to you on how in depth you want to go.
I'm also considering doing an email chain of answers to the questions. If that sounds like something that would interest you, you can let me know that as well and I will get your email from you. I will combine the answers into one document so you won't be bombarded by trying to read through them all.
I've never done this before so it may sound good and go terribly, but I'm excited to try! I hope you'll join me!
I have been mulling over the idea of beginning a bible study, and wondered if any of you might be interested in joining me. I would be starting the study next Monday, June 4th. Here is the study I am considering:
The study is entitled True Woman 101: Divine Design and is an 8 week study on biblical womanhood. You can find more info on the website:
http://www.truewoman101.com/
If you are interested in joining me, just leave me a comment here or send me a message. You would need to purchase the book, which is available at a variety of places for between $12-$15. You can go here for a list of retailers: http://www.moodypublishers.com/pub_productDetail.aspx?id=41823&pid=79990
Each week, I will post my answers to the weekly questions on my blog. If you are following along with me, you can feel free to respond and add to the conversation in the comments section of each post. The questions are available both in the book and on the website. There are also several video clips that you can watch on the website if you so desire, so it's really up to you on how in depth you want to go.
I'm also considering doing an email chain of answers to the questions. If that sounds like something that would interest you, you can let me know that as well and I will get your email from you. I will combine the answers into one document so you won't be bombarded by trying to read through them all.
I've never done this before so it may sound good and go terribly, but I'm excited to try! I hope you'll join me!
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Beautiful.
Beauty. As a woman, it's something that my life seems to revolve around. Or at least I'm told it should.
By the world, it's physical. The way I look. How much I weigh. My hairstyle. Makeup. Clothes.
Spiritually, its' inner. What flows from your heart. Being the hands and feet of Christ.
Here is something I read in a devotional this morning:
What is satisfaction? Hollywood insists that it includes "beauty" and must be pursued by all means and to all ends. We are asked to believe that to be truly satisfied with ourselves we must be truly beautiful. Yet in Isaiah 53, we read about Jesus: "There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him" (Isaiah 53:2). Apparently, in God's value system, appearance is not that important! It's what people do because of who they are that matters in the highest place, not how they dress it up or paint it on.
I must confess, I am rarely satisfied with how I look. I try not to dwell on it, but when I see all the fit and trim people jogging (seriously they're everywhere here) and know that I used to look like that too, I can't help but think I need to get it together.
Oh how babies change EVERYTHING.
I never really thought about Jesus not being handsome, or "beautiful" as Isaiah says. I try not to let the various depictions of him dictate how I think he might have looked, but I think I still like to think of him as a Jim Caviezel.
The point of course is not whether Jesus was handsome or not, but that in God's eyes, it made no difference. He could have made him to look however he wanted, but he chose for him to be plain looking, "nothing to attract us to him."
But people were attracted to him. Not because of his appearance, but because of his heart. He loved people. Genuinely. Not I will pretend to care so I can feel good about myself love, but real, true compassion and care for others.
I know that God doesn't care about my appearance. Sure he wants me to be healthy and to take care of myself, but not as a means of affirmation or attention.
I've been struck by the words of this song lately. I've listened to it many times, but there are days when it just hits me how true the words are, and how often I don't believe them:
You're beautiful, in His eyes.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Confessions of the Condo: Struggling
-This is one of those weeks where I've spent countless hours perusing house listings. I can't find anything. For some reason I think if I keep looking, maybe I will just happen upon something I haven't seen before. At the same time I know when the right one does come up, I'm probably not going to have to go looking for it, but I can't help myself.
-Going along with that, this is also one of those weeks where I'm struggling. It may take less than an hour to get this condo clean, but it also seems to get dirty an hour after I get done cleaning. When Benjamin makes his usual daily mess with his toys, it takes up most of the living room and doesn't take much before it spreads to his room and our room and the bathroom and the kitchen so it makes the whole place feel messy. We also have to eat at the counter so the counters seem to always be dirty. As you can tell I don't deal well with messiness, but I have a hard time keeping it as spotless as I would like. Maybe there's a lesson here?
-I had someone make the comment recently that Benjamin should be able to play outside (even if it means a few bumps and scrapes-commenting on the knot on his noggin). After all little boys need to be outside. I didn't have the heart to tell her that he can't really play outside very often because there is no where for him to play outside (unless we go to the park). He considers being able to go out to the garage quite the treat.
-We have people ask if there is any update on the housing situation, or if there's been any movement in the market. Lately, my husband's reply has been basically "stagnant." I don't know if I have ever seen it so stagnant. I'm trying to convince myself this is a good thing because that way we are tempted to settle for something smaller or less than what we are looking for, but it's also slightly discouraging because there hasn't been anything like what we are looking for. Nothing. I'm also tempted to think that when something does come up, everyone is going to go for it because there hasn't been anything for so long. It's definitely stretching our faith-trusting that God WILL work it all out and that he DOES have our best in mind, that he IS faithful and he DOES hear our prayers.
-I've been battling tiredness lately. Too much stress and too little sleep. Heartburn. Cranky little boy. Shoulder out of whack giving me headaches. Complain much? I know, but I've just felt terrible. I figured it was coming. I've been trying to read a lot and take advantage of the opportunity to refresh and grow and focus more on others while I'm here. Satan doesn't like that, so he gave me a few things to try and take me back a few steps. I'm learning though the importance of rest. Without it I'm drained. Without it, I've got nothing to give as a wife and a mom, because I'm running on empty. I'm more inclined to late nights than early mornings, so it's a struggle for me to start getting ready for bed at 9 pm, but I feel so much better when I get a good night's rest.
-I was dwelling on my problems and my tiredness and basically having a pity party for myself the other day. Then, while I was walking into HyVee, I saw a mom with two younger children, plus a third, which she was lowering out of her accessible van because the daughter was in a wheelchair. I knew I needed to be focusing more on the blessings I have, but seeing her plus some things that others I know are going through really put things into perspective for me. What a blessing it is to have a healthy little boy. It didn't have to be that way. But God in his graciousness brought us through some tough stuff.
How can I doubt him now?
God is good all the time. Believe it, even when it doesn't feel like it's true, because it is. He never changes. It's true, regardless of our circumstances.
For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
The Lord will give grace and glory;
No good thing will He withhold
From those who walk uprightly.
Psalm 84:11
-Going along with that, this is also one of those weeks where I'm struggling. It may take less than an hour to get this condo clean, but it also seems to get dirty an hour after I get done cleaning. When Benjamin makes his usual daily mess with his toys, it takes up most of the living room and doesn't take much before it spreads to his room and our room and the bathroom and the kitchen so it makes the whole place feel messy. We also have to eat at the counter so the counters seem to always be dirty. As you can tell I don't deal well with messiness, but I have a hard time keeping it as spotless as I would like. Maybe there's a lesson here?
-I had someone make the comment recently that Benjamin should be able to play outside (even if it means a few bumps and scrapes-commenting on the knot on his noggin). After all little boys need to be outside. I didn't have the heart to tell her that he can't really play outside very often because there is no where for him to play outside (unless we go to the park). He considers being able to go out to the garage quite the treat.
-We have people ask if there is any update on the housing situation, or if there's been any movement in the market. Lately, my husband's reply has been basically "stagnant." I don't know if I have ever seen it so stagnant. I'm trying to convince myself this is a good thing because that way we are tempted to settle for something smaller or less than what we are looking for, but it's also slightly discouraging because there hasn't been anything like what we are looking for. Nothing. I'm also tempted to think that when something does come up, everyone is going to go for it because there hasn't been anything for so long. It's definitely stretching our faith-trusting that God WILL work it all out and that he DOES have our best in mind, that he IS faithful and he DOES hear our prayers.
-I've been battling tiredness lately. Too much stress and too little sleep. Heartburn. Cranky little boy. Shoulder out of whack giving me headaches. Complain much? I know, but I've just felt terrible. I figured it was coming. I've been trying to read a lot and take advantage of the opportunity to refresh and grow and focus more on others while I'm here. Satan doesn't like that, so he gave me a few things to try and take me back a few steps. I'm learning though the importance of rest. Without it I'm drained. Without it, I've got nothing to give as a wife and a mom, because I'm running on empty. I'm more inclined to late nights than early mornings, so it's a struggle for me to start getting ready for bed at 9 pm, but I feel so much better when I get a good night's rest.
-I was dwelling on my problems and my tiredness and basically having a pity party for myself the other day. Then, while I was walking into HyVee, I saw a mom with two younger children, plus a third, which she was lowering out of her accessible van because the daughter was in a wheelchair. I knew I needed to be focusing more on the blessings I have, but seeing her plus some things that others I know are going through really put things into perspective for me. What a blessing it is to have a healthy little boy. It didn't have to be that way. But God in his graciousness brought us through some tough stuff.
How can I doubt him now?
God is good all the time. Believe it, even when it doesn't feel like it's true, because it is. He never changes. It's true, regardless of our circumstances.
For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
The Lord will give grace and glory;
No good thing will He withhold
From those who walk uprightly.
Psalm 84:11
Friday, May 18, 2012
Post-Trip Confessions: Indiana Edition
-We just got back Sunday night at midnight from a 5 day trip to the hubby's home state. We drove 5 hours to visit his family then went 2 more a few days later to a graduation. It wasn't bad until the drive home, pretty sure that was the longest drive ever. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see our cozy little condo.
-Nor have I been so exhausted in my life. Several late nights made it hard to catch up. I was really exhausted after our move here, but this was definitely worse. I felt like I could just lay around for days-not so much an option of course when you have a toddler running around. Thankfully he was just as tired so he ended up taking some really nice long naps this week.
-Our extra two hours was to go down to Indy (Indianapolis for you non Indiana natives), where we stayed in a hotel for one night. Benjamin goes to bed at 7:30, so we did our best to get him in bed by that time at the hotel. What that meant for us was sitting around in the dark for an hour and a half trying to be quiet and still before it was time for us to go to bed. I had to go in the bathroom and use the tub to brush my teeth. Seriously, what kind of hotel doesn't put the sink in the bathroom? Next time we will definitely be splurging for the one bedroom suite-so worth it.
-Of course late nights and long drives are a breeding ground for arguments between tired mommy's and daddy's. After we stopped for supper, I offered to drive for awhile. We needed to get some gas, so I pulled into the gas station where they were apparently pouring new cement pads next to 70% of their pumps, leaving only a few open. I circled around and found the only one that seemed to be open, the one which of course had two kids messing around the car, trying to get ran over. I pulled up and stopped, thinking they would move. They stared at me. The "adult" that was with them just looked at me. Seriously? So I pulled up, my husband assuring me they would move. They didn't. So I inched up, literally less than 6 inches from the pump by the time I stopped. I looked at my husband, he looked at me.
"Do you want ME to get out and do it?" (i.e. You would have the audacity to make your wife get out and pump the gas?)
"Do you want ME to get out and do it?" (i.e. You really expect me to try and squeeze myself in the 6 inch gap you left between the pump and the car?)
Finally I just got out and did it. I think he was pretty sure he couldn't fit. Or would get stuck. Either way it made the next hour or two even longer. (In his defense I had to stand on the "curb" of the gas pump because there was no room left between the car and the pump other than that. Actually I'm surprised I could open the door and get out of the car)
-I got a jogging stroller a couple of weeks ago at a garage sale. Apparently it's a must have here because everyone around here has one. I figured since everyone else here has one that I needed to get one too (and I had been wanting one for awhile before we moved here). I found one for $20 so I thought that was too reasonable of a deal to pass up.
And of course since I now have a jogging stroller, it must mean that I also need to start jogging. I started the week before we left for Indiana, hoping I could keep it up while there. Not. Okay, so then I will start back up when I get back.
Since I was so tired from the trip I waited a few days. I only go about 1/2 a mile because I have to build up very slowly on account of my shin splint issues, so since it's about that far to the grocery store, I decided I had recovered enough to take a short run down to Hyvee on Wednesday to get some groceries.
Bad idea. After walking around for a bit, I started to get a little woozy and light headed. I started thinking how I was going to have to call my husband to come get me and that was going to stress him out because he's been so busy at work and it was going to take him awhile to get there and my poor son is going to worry what in the world is going on and etc etc etc
Thankfully I was able to finish getting my groceries and start to regain my bearings.
No more running this week. In fact I think it would be a good idea to replace my runs with naps.
-I think it's going to take while to undo all the bad habits Benjamin picked up while traveling. I think for the last week it's taken him twice as long to eat, and he's all the sudden become much pickier about his food.He got to eat much unhealthier than usual. And he now thinks meal time is social hour. And when you're visiting family IT IS a good time to socialize, b/c it's a time when you are all sitting down together. But not so much when you get home and it takes the boy an hour to eat. When we were visiting family he ate fairly healthy, but since I didn't want to deal with transporting food for him for the rest of the trip, he got to "eat out" a lot more than usual. Chicken tenders and fries and sugar loaded applesauce...ugh.
Oh traveling.
-Nor have I been so exhausted in my life. Several late nights made it hard to catch up. I was really exhausted after our move here, but this was definitely worse. I felt like I could just lay around for days-not so much an option of course when you have a toddler running around. Thankfully he was just as tired so he ended up taking some really nice long naps this week.
-Our extra two hours was to go down to Indy (Indianapolis for you non Indiana natives), where we stayed in a hotel for one night. Benjamin goes to bed at 7:30, so we did our best to get him in bed by that time at the hotel. What that meant for us was sitting around in the dark for an hour and a half trying to be quiet and still before it was time for us to go to bed. I had to go in the bathroom and use the tub to brush my teeth. Seriously, what kind of hotel doesn't put the sink in the bathroom? Next time we will definitely be splurging for the one bedroom suite-so worth it.
-Of course late nights and long drives are a breeding ground for arguments between tired mommy's and daddy's. After we stopped for supper, I offered to drive for awhile. We needed to get some gas, so I pulled into the gas station where they were apparently pouring new cement pads next to 70% of their pumps, leaving only a few open. I circled around and found the only one that seemed to be open, the one which of course had two kids messing around the car, trying to get ran over. I pulled up and stopped, thinking they would move. They stared at me. The "adult" that was with them just looked at me. Seriously? So I pulled up, my husband assuring me they would move. They didn't. So I inched up, literally less than 6 inches from the pump by the time I stopped. I looked at my husband, he looked at me.
"Do you want ME to get out and do it?" (i.e. You would have the audacity to make your wife get out and pump the gas?)
"Do you want ME to get out and do it?" (i.e. You really expect me to try and squeeze myself in the 6 inch gap you left between the pump and the car?)
Finally I just got out and did it. I think he was pretty sure he couldn't fit. Or would get stuck. Either way it made the next hour or two even longer. (In his defense I had to stand on the "curb" of the gas pump because there was no room left between the car and the pump other than that. Actually I'm surprised I could open the door and get out of the car)
-I got a jogging stroller a couple of weeks ago at a garage sale. Apparently it's a must have here because everyone around here has one. I figured since everyone else here has one that I needed to get one too (and I had been wanting one for awhile before we moved here). I found one for $20 so I thought that was too reasonable of a deal to pass up.
And of course since I now have a jogging stroller, it must mean that I also need to start jogging. I started the week before we left for Indiana, hoping I could keep it up while there. Not. Okay, so then I will start back up when I get back.
Since I was so tired from the trip I waited a few days. I only go about 1/2 a mile because I have to build up very slowly on account of my shin splint issues, so since it's about that far to the grocery store, I decided I had recovered enough to take a short run down to Hyvee on Wednesday to get some groceries.
Bad idea. After walking around for a bit, I started to get a little woozy and light headed. I started thinking how I was going to have to call my husband to come get me and that was going to stress him out because he's been so busy at work and it was going to take him awhile to get there and my poor son is going to worry what in the world is going on and etc etc etc
Thankfully I was able to finish getting my groceries and start to regain my bearings.
No more running this week. In fact I think it would be a good idea to replace my runs with naps.
-I think it's going to take while to undo all the bad habits Benjamin picked up while traveling. I think for the last week it's taken him twice as long to eat, and he's all the sudden become much pickier about his food.He got to eat much unhealthier than usual. And he now thinks meal time is social hour. And when you're visiting family IT IS a good time to socialize, b/c it's a time when you are all sitting down together. But not so much when you get home and it takes the boy an hour to eat. When we were visiting family he ate fairly healthy, but since I didn't want to deal with transporting food for him for the rest of the trip, he got to "eat out" a lot more than usual. Chicken tenders and fries and sugar loaded applesauce...ugh.
Oh traveling.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Confessions of the Condo: Mommy Edition
-I told my son the other day that I needed to finish cleaning up my mess and then I would come and clean up his. Although I didn't mean for it to be, I thought that was a pretty good insight into motherhood-trying to clean up our own mess of sin and selfishness while so we can help them learn to clean up theirs.
-I took Benjamin to the mall to the other day and we ate lunch there to help save time. He had some peaches among other things. When I got home and looked in the mirror I realized I had a piece of peach on my nose...the whole time I was at the mall it was there.
-A different day I went and looked in the mirror and discovered I had green beans in my hair.
-About 2-3 times a week I let Benjamin watch tv. Actually they are videos so I try to convince myself that is better for him than whatever is on tv. One that he loves is about horses, the other is the Winnie the Pooh movie, which he never gets all the way through. He will sit and watch the horse video though, so when I need a 1/2 hour to get something done I will let him watch it. That and Sunday's when he is driving us nuts b/c he missed a nap during church. And on Mondays when he's driving me nuts from missing his nap on Sunday.
-Although he can go without, I still have Benjamin take morning naps (he's 17 months old). He seems to be in a better mood plus it's a hour and half of alone time for me. It does make it harder to run errands though. I only have about an hour and a half to two hour window of opportunity between naps, but the me time and a little boy in a better mood is well worth it.
-In light of the above, I have a hard time with appointments. Usually I can only go if my husband is home. I was getting really sick of my super bland haircut, and because I couldn't find time to go and get it cut, I decided one night just to do it myself. This is not the first time of course, but this is the first time I did something more drastic. Bangs! Yes, I now have bangs, but I have yet to actually wear my hair so you can see them. I usually have them pulled back so you would hardly even notice. My husband has seen it though and seemed to like it, so hopefully I will get brave and sport the new look one of these days.
-Now that I'm a Mom, I really look forward to Mother's Day. My husband usually does something special for me, plus, it gives me a time to acknowledge and recognize my own Mom and Mother in Law and Grandma's for all their love and sacrifice over the years. I'm really excited this year to be able to be with both my husband's family for party of the weekend and with my family the rest, usually it's one or the other so that is a special blessing this year.
I'm sure their are a lot more Mommy related things to confess, but that's all I've got for now.
Have a wonderful and blessed Mother's Day!
-I took Benjamin to the mall to the other day and we ate lunch there to help save time. He had some peaches among other things. When I got home and looked in the mirror I realized I had a piece of peach on my nose...the whole time I was at the mall it was there.
-A different day I went and looked in the mirror and discovered I had green beans in my hair.
-About 2-3 times a week I let Benjamin watch tv. Actually they are videos so I try to convince myself that is better for him than whatever is on tv. One that he loves is about horses, the other is the Winnie the Pooh movie, which he never gets all the way through. He will sit and watch the horse video though, so when I need a 1/2 hour to get something done I will let him watch it. That and Sunday's when he is driving us nuts b/c he missed a nap during church. And on Mondays when he's driving me nuts from missing his nap on Sunday.
-Although he can go without, I still have Benjamin take morning naps (he's 17 months old). He seems to be in a better mood plus it's a hour and half of alone time for me. It does make it harder to run errands though. I only have about an hour and a half to two hour window of opportunity between naps, but the me time and a little boy in a better mood is well worth it.
-In light of the above, I have a hard time with appointments. Usually I can only go if my husband is home. I was getting really sick of my super bland haircut, and because I couldn't find time to go and get it cut, I decided one night just to do it myself. This is not the first time of course, but this is the first time I did something more drastic. Bangs! Yes, I now have bangs, but I have yet to actually wear my hair so you can see them. I usually have them pulled back so you would hardly even notice. My husband has seen it though and seemed to like it, so hopefully I will get brave and sport the new look one of these days.
-Now that I'm a Mom, I really look forward to Mother's Day. My husband usually does something special for me, plus, it gives me a time to acknowledge and recognize my own Mom and Mother in Law and Grandma's for all their love and sacrifice over the years. I'm really excited this year to be able to be with both my husband's family for party of the weekend and with my family the rest, usually it's one or the other so that is a special blessing this year.
I'm sure their are a lot more Mommy related things to confess, but that's all I've got for now.
Have a wonderful and blessed Mother's Day!
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Lessons of the Condo: Temptations
Since we've been on this whole house search thing, I can't tell you how tempting compromise has become.
The enemy really has a way of pinpointing our weaknesses.
It's incredibly tempting to settle. On a house. For less than the best. For what's here and now.
It was tempting when the choice was between finding a place to buy or moving to a condo. It's even more tempting now that we are free and clear of our old house.
"You're too picky," people say. "Maybe you missed it."
We know better.
I can't tell you how many times I have pleaded with God not to let us make the wrong decision. For a clear "no" when it was needed. And I can't tell you how many times he's been faithful in answering that prayer.
Countless times.
There was the house back in 2009 (that's when we started this house hunting journey as a married couple) that was barely liveable and full of dog, well, I don't really need to spell it out do I?
There was the house with a ravine running through it.
There was the house that had some sort of septic problem and was bought before we could give it a second thought.
There was the house that potentially had a lead case pending against it.
There was the house could be a potential business endeavor with a driveway that could be used as a ski slope during the winter months. Not to mention the extraordinary amount of work it would entail to make the house liveable.
There was the house that was too small and wouldn't accept our offer.
There was the house we lost on contingency when we didn't sell our house fast enough.
I could go on, but I think you get the point. We've had lots of no's, and I've had to learn to be thankful for those answers as well as the "yes" one that is yet to come.
But the temptations still remain. I was struck by something that was pointed out in church this Sunday though that gave me pretty good reason to keep sticking this out.
Our Pastor was talking about how what we believe will determine our behavior. He spoke of Adam and Eve and the fall, and how through one person believing in Satan's lie, sin entered the world. By one man's offense and disobedience, all of men fell.
One act of disobedience
one wrong decision
and the world was changed forever.
So how does that relate to us? God wants to give us his best-but in order to receive it we have to wait. We can't see what he's doing in the meantime, but we know he has a reason for it, whether it's a practical matter of the right house coming on the market or one of our spiritual growth-we can be confident that it is for our good.
The wrong decision now could affect the rest of our lives. If we act out of frustration and impatience-we won't receive God's best, because we weren't willing to wait for it. Sure, we may not cause the fall of mankind, but we could miss out on all the good stuff that God had planned because we weren't willing to wait.
That's what happened with Adam and Eve. They messed up. Big time. God made a plan to fix it, but there will still consequences. We all live with sin. And frustration. And death. All because of their one mistake.
They believed Satan's lie and settled for less than God's best. Rather than clinging to God's words of truth, they chose to believe the lie.
Here, in this condo, lies are abounding.
God's not going to provide a house-this is all so he can reroute you somewhere totally different and you can forget your dream of living in the country.
You think you're ever going to find that much acreage? You better start looking at some more expensive houses and just accept the fact that you're not going to get the acreage you want.
This condo thing really is terrible. It's not worth it.
You should go buy a car to make up for the fact that you can't buy a house. That money you're saving for a down payment? It's okay to spend a little bit of it...
And those are just a few.
But then I find verses like this one, spoken by Paul:
As James admonishes, "Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:16-17
As our circumstances change, we can continue to trust in a God who doesn't.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Confessions of the Condo: I'm 27 and have gray hair.
In an attempt at humility-here are some confessions about one of those things we women are most insecure about-our appearance. Some of my deepest darkest beauty secrets...
-I sometimes don't wear makeup when I go out. It usually makes me self conscious to some degree, but I'm trying to work on that. I'd really like to get to the point where I'm okay with not having any on and being seen in public.
-Of course I always wear it when I go to church, or to some formal occasion. But when I do I only wear foundation and mascara. I don't like to look like I actually have it on. I never wanted to be one of those people that you gasp at when you see them without makeup on.
-I take a shower at night and go to bed with wet hair. That's my style secret. I twist the curls, sleep on it, and hope for the best.
-I only wash my hair two or maybe three times a week. I read once that it makes it drier when you shampoo it often, so I usually only shampoo it once a week, and only use conditioner the other times.
-I basically wear my hair up every day except Sunday.
-I hardly every wear jeans, unless it's one of those formal occasions where I'm wearing makeup. I spend my weekdays in leggings mostly. I know, I know, you're not supposed to wear them as pants, but they're comfy and I'm not exactly in the latest trend spotlight.
-I'm still not down to my pre-pregnancy weight. I gained 45 lbs with Benjamin, and it was not because I ate a lot. I really don't think I ate much more than usual, I just seemed to absorb water like crazy. After I had him it pooled in my ankles so much my mom thought I had a blood clot. Anyway, I'm finally getting closer, but it took some major working out to shed the last 10-15 lbs. I still have another 5 or so to go now that he's almost a year and a half old. (P.S. my "major" working was doing Jillian Michaels workouts at home)
-If you see me wearing glasses towards the middle or the end of the month, it's usually because my 2 week contacts have gotten so dirty I can't stand them anymore. I'm terribly lazy about cleaning them, and accidentally buying the non no-rub contact solution doesn't help. I recently ran out of contacts completely and procrastinated getting an eye exam for almost a month and ended up wearing my glasses every day for about 3 weeks.
-I've said this before but I usually get haircuts at Cost Cutters or Great Clips. I've even cut it myself when I don't like what they do, or they don't cut it short enough. And, as stated above-I'm starting to get some major gray going on, very visibly that I'm going to have to do something about-or not. My husband fears what will happen if I try coloring it on my own, and about has a heart attack when I tell him what it cost to color in the salon, so he thinks I should just rock the gray. I think not, but so far I'm living with it.
-I say all of this of course to make it seem like I am fairly low maintenance, but really, since I'm now married and have a little one I think it's more laziness and a little bit of having higher priorities (or less time). I may spend less time on my appearance now, but it's not because I am content with how I look, it's because I just don't have the time or energy to care as much. I'm working though on realizing how God sees me, and that has nothing to do with looking like the women on covers of magazines, or having all the gray covered up, or covering up the blemishes with makeup, or wearing the latest trends.
More on that later.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Lessons of the Condo: Who Am I?
When I thought about moving here and how God might use it to teach us some things, I didn't think about the hard part of learning things. My problem has been realizing some of the things that had to change, as well as realizing some things I need to change.
Lesson learned: Change is hard.
This book I have been reading has really been opening my eyes to some things. Most recently, I've been the section entitled, "How to come to grips with the real you."
I don't really like thinking about who I am and whether or not I am trying to project an image or whether I am a people pleaser or if I really know who I am. Because I do, I am, and I don't. When you peel back all the layers-and see yourself for who you really are-how can you like what you see? I mean, isn't that the whole reason for all the layers-to shield others from seeing you for what you really are?
But that's where grace steps in. You can put on as many layers as you want, but God can see through them all in ways no one else can. You may be able to fool others, but you're not fooling him.
He extends his grace to us (unmerited favor, undeserved and unearned) when we come to him as we are. No hiding, no pretending. Just us.
For me, it is learning that God loves me just the way that I am, underneath all the layers I try to cover up my imperfections with. He knows that I am not perfect, but he loves me anyway. It's because of that love that he sent his Son to save me.
I mean seriously think about. He loves us unconditionally, regardless of our past, despite our faults and our failures. There is NO WAY to earn his love. There is NO NEED to pretend. There is NOTHING TO GAIN but a deeper relationship with him.
That all he wants: us. No money, no service, no deeds, no sacrifical gifts. Just us as we are.
Lesson learned: I need to learn to see myself the way God sees me, not the way I think the world around me does.
So far I have stayed off my laptop for the week, and the extra time to read and think really does make a difference. I told my husband the other day that after staying off of facebook and looking at it once at the end of the day that "people really aren't that interesting." What I meant by that of course is that it's not worth spending hours on there perusing comments people make during the course of their day, not that people aren't interesting.
As you can see, God has a lot of work to do, but it's up to me to let him do it. I can "try" to cut back on tv, and time on the internet, and read more, etc, but unless I let God work the change from the inside, it's all going to be in vain.
In the r12 book it talks about how the means to lasting change is "renewing you mind," or in other words, changing the way you think about things. If I spend less time thinking about my facebook status and how people will view me according to what I put on there, and more time focusing on and learning who God has made me to be, I think that will have a lasting positive change in my perception of myself. If I spend less time watching all the images that we are constantly bombarded with about what a woman should look like and more time learning how I can become the woman God made me to be, I can actually believe that beauty is not about the facade we can portray through makeup and clothes and fitness, but about our genuine love for others and walking the walk when no one else is looking (or with our husbands and children).
Lesson learned: Lasting change is not outward.
As always, there's a lot more that's been on my heart and mind, but that's all I can put into words for now. I'll keep working on it.
I'll leave you with this song (because I love Jars of Clay and I think it's fitting):
Lesson learned: Change is hard.
This book I have been reading has really been opening my eyes to some things. Most recently, I've been the section entitled, "How to come to grips with the real you."
I don't really like thinking about who I am and whether or not I am trying to project an image or whether I am a people pleaser or if I really know who I am. Because I do, I am, and I don't. When you peel back all the layers-and see yourself for who you really are-how can you like what you see? I mean, isn't that the whole reason for all the layers-to shield others from seeing you for what you really are?
But that's where grace steps in. You can put on as many layers as you want, but God can see through them all in ways no one else can. You may be able to fool others, but you're not fooling him.
He extends his grace to us (unmerited favor, undeserved and unearned) when we come to him as we are. No hiding, no pretending. Just us.
For me, it is learning that God loves me just the way that I am, underneath all the layers I try to cover up my imperfections with. He knows that I am not perfect, but he loves me anyway. It's because of that love that he sent his Son to save me.
I mean seriously think about. He loves us unconditionally, regardless of our past, despite our faults and our failures. There is NO WAY to earn his love. There is NO NEED to pretend. There is NOTHING TO GAIN but a deeper relationship with him.
That all he wants: us. No money, no service, no deeds, no sacrifical gifts. Just us as we are.
Lesson learned: I need to learn to see myself the way God sees me, not the way I think the world around me does.
So far I have stayed off my laptop for the week, and the extra time to read and think really does make a difference. I told my husband the other day that after staying off of facebook and looking at it once at the end of the day that "people really aren't that interesting." What I meant by that of course is that it's not worth spending hours on there perusing comments people make during the course of their day, not that people aren't interesting.
As you can see, God has a lot of work to do, but it's up to me to let him do it. I can "try" to cut back on tv, and time on the internet, and read more, etc, but unless I let God work the change from the inside, it's all going to be in vain.
In the r12 book it talks about how the means to lasting change is "renewing you mind," or in other words, changing the way you think about things. If I spend less time thinking about my facebook status and how people will view me according to what I put on there, and more time focusing on and learning who God has made me to be, I think that will have a lasting positive change in my perception of myself. If I spend less time watching all the images that we are constantly bombarded with about what a woman should look like and more time learning how I can become the woman God made me to be, I can actually believe that beauty is not about the facade we can portray through makeup and clothes and fitness, but about our genuine love for others and walking the walk when no one else is looking (or with our husbands and children).
Lesson learned: Lasting change is not outward.
As always, there's a lot more that's been on my heart and mind, but that's all I can put into words for now. I'll keep working on it.
I'll leave you with this song (because I love Jars of Clay and I think it's fitting):
Confessions of the Condo: 1 month
-I am seriously almost appalled that we have only been here 1 month. It seems like so much longer. Unfortunately it's not really getting easier, but we are a little more used to things I guess. Like now it only takes 1 minute to jiggle the locks on all the outer doors open instead of 5.
-I think I have yet to take a walk outside this week. I'm not sure why, it's been really nice out. I guess my motivation felt crowded and decided to leave.
-Benjamin ALWAYS wakes up an hour into his nap and decides to whine and carry on for awhile before going back to sleep (usually). Sometimes things like typing or scooting the chair across the floor seem to wake him up-either that or breathing.
-I just put clothes in the dryer and found a duplo block in the washer.
-I am attempting to make some jewelry now that I have some free time. It's kind of fun, but part of what I'm trying to make requires me to go out to the garage and since it's not attached I can't really do it unless Kev is home. I'm also finding out that the cost for making it adds up quickly, even when you are trying to be resourceful.
-I just discovered crackle nail polish and I'm loving it. I actually have my nails painted with it right now and I never paint my nails (just my toenails).
-I think I may be a bit of a shopping addict. The problem though is not the money I spend, but the time. For example, because I am cheap, I will go to Goodwill and spend hours perusing the racks. Or, like this morning when I drove across town to visit a consignment shop that was having a $.50 sale. I'm thinking Benjamin is not going to be near as patient when he gets older, or at least not as easy to bribe. The puffs and juice just aren't going to cut it.
-I'm learning a lot about myself while I'm stuck here. I'll share more about that in a different post, but let's just say I don't have nearly as much of a "willing" heart as I thought I did.
-Since I shared this earlier about my desire to get back to things-we have been able to make it to Sunday School the last couple of weeks (and we weren't even late!). Now just to continue that and try to pick up Wednesday nights as well-we have small groups starting for the summer in a couple weeks so that makes a perfect time for us to start. I seriously can't tell you how exciting it is to be able to have that time of learning and fellowship again.
-I must confess, I totally open my own blog so I can listen to my music. In my defense, I am staying off my laptop so I don't have access to it any other way but still. Sometimes I leave other people's blogs open and listen to their music if that makes it any better, but I don't think it does.
-I think I have yet to take a walk outside this week. I'm not sure why, it's been really nice out. I guess my motivation felt crowded and decided to leave.
-Benjamin ALWAYS wakes up an hour into his nap and decides to whine and carry on for awhile before going back to sleep (usually). Sometimes things like typing or scooting the chair across the floor seem to wake him up-either that or breathing.
-I just put clothes in the dryer and found a duplo block in the washer.
-I am attempting to make some jewelry now that I have some free time. It's kind of fun, but part of what I'm trying to make requires me to go out to the garage and since it's not attached I can't really do it unless Kev is home. I'm also finding out that the cost for making it adds up quickly, even when you are trying to be resourceful.
-I just discovered crackle nail polish and I'm loving it. I actually have my nails painted with it right now and I never paint my nails (just my toenails).
-I think I may be a bit of a shopping addict. The problem though is not the money I spend, but the time. For example, because I am cheap, I will go to Goodwill and spend hours perusing the racks. Or, like this morning when I drove across town to visit a consignment shop that was having a $.50 sale. I'm thinking Benjamin is not going to be near as patient when he gets older, or at least not as easy to bribe. The puffs and juice just aren't going to cut it.
-I'm learning a lot about myself while I'm stuck here. I'll share more about that in a different post, but let's just say I don't have nearly as much of a "willing" heart as I thought I did.
-Since I shared this earlier about my desire to get back to things-we have been able to make it to Sunday School the last couple of weeks (and we weren't even late!). Now just to continue that and try to pick up Wednesday nights as well-we have small groups starting for the summer in a couple weeks so that makes a perfect time for us to start. I seriously can't tell you how exciting it is to be able to have that time of learning and fellowship again.
-I must confess, I totally open my own blog so I can listen to my music. In my defense, I am staying off my laptop so I don't have access to it any other way but still. Sometimes I leave other people's blogs open and listen to their music if that makes it any better, but I don't think it does.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Lessons of the Condo
So, I've been feeling kind of bad about my confessions lately, and more importantly, the attitude they are revealing. I want to be honest about our experience, but I don't want my emotions about the experience to detract from God's plan in having us here.
So I am going to start this new thing, along with the confessions, and call it "lessons of the condo."
All along, I have felt and believed that part of going through this experience is that God wants to teach us something. There of course is the learning to wait, and trust, and have faith that God will provide, but I think there is much more to it then that. Endurance is to be learned, and patience, and character will be developed from those things, but I think there is even more.
So here it is-my attempt to share some of the things God is teaching me as we go through our condo experience:
-As I contemplated and thought about what God might be trying to teach me, I asked him to help me see any things that may be keeping me from learning what he has for me to learn, or things that might be hindering my relationship with him. Faithful as always, it didn't take long for God to shed some light.
As I was listening to my podcast the next morning, they talked about the idea of not letting the world influence you more than it should and about protecting yourself and your mind from all the icky stuff that's trying to invade. He mentioned the idea of a media fast, and how influential just a few days of not having that constant bombardment can be.
Then it dawned on me. I have already felt convicted about choosing very carefully what I watch on tv, however, I had never thought too much about all the time I spend on the internet. I spend way too much time on the Internet. It's my go to when I am bored, or when I have a moment to relax and am trying not to watch tv. I even watch tv on the internet having convinced myself it is better than watching it live because I don't have to endure the commercials.
Our kids are growing up in this era of bombarding technology, and quite frankly, we are in the midst of it as well. How I choose to respond to it will have a direct effect on my son, and it is critical that I make some decisions now while he is still young about how I want to influence him in that regard. Now is the time for me to form and instill some really good habits that I can hold on to as he grows.
So...in light of that, I turned off my laptop and vowed to leave it off until the end of the month. They say it takes 21 days to instill a habit, and that won't quite be that long, but it's a start. As you can tell I am on the internet now as I write this, but I want to drastically reduce the time I spend on here so that is my goal over the next few weeks. I even hope to leave my laptop at home as I make a trip to Indiana in a few weeks. No checking facebook 15 times a day, no looking for houses on craigslist and qcfsbo incessantly, no browsing ebay just because I am bored.
Lesson learned: You can control what you let in your mind-and what you let in your mind will have a direct effect on how your children deal all that their presented with.
-If I want to learn what God has me to learn, I need to start searching. Could God just reveal to me one day what he has for me to learn? Sure he could. But does he want me to start searching? Yes! "Draw near to God and he will draw near to you," is what the Bible says.
How can I accomplish this you might ask? Well, for me, the answer is actually pretty simple: start reading. I read my Bible, but I have lots of books that will help me delve in even deeper and guide me in learning more about how I can apply the truth's of God's Word.
I used to read a lot, and I know that when I do, it really help me to grow.
So that is what God is teaching me right now-
Lesson learned: If I want to be closer to him and learn in this trial-I need to go searching.
-Another thing I am learning about or being reminded about is that I can choose whether to be ruled by emotions or by what I know to be true. With all the stress, lack of sleep and general uprooting of ourselves and all of our stuff, my emotions have been all over the place. I'm sure you can tell that if you've read some of the confessions. But that doesn't mean I have to lose sight of what I know to be true, if my feelings are guiding me elsewhere. I have post it notes all over my desktop on my laptop (which is now turned off so I can't see them) reminding me of the promises to those who wait on the Lord. I know I can hold on to those things, even when things aren't going the way I would have liked them to. Because he can see what we don't, we can trust that God always knows best, and that he always has our best in mind because he loves us more than we can imagine. I can also keep reminding myself of all the things he has done in the past in my life and in the lives of others that prove his faithfulness.
Lesson learned: I can choose not to be ruled by my emotions but by the truth of God's Word and the promises he has given us.
I'm sure I could come up with even more, but that is what's been on my heart this week.
Hopefully there will be more to come...
P.S. the book I am reading to this week is Living on the Edge-How to Become an R12 Christian (based on Romans 12). We've been studying this in our small group but I hadn't started reading the book until now. If you're interested in growing and maturing in your faith and helping disciple others towards the same-this is a great book to help you get on the right track.
So I am going to start this new thing, along with the confessions, and call it "lessons of the condo."
All along, I have felt and believed that part of going through this experience is that God wants to teach us something. There of course is the learning to wait, and trust, and have faith that God will provide, but I think there is much more to it then that. Endurance is to be learned, and patience, and character will be developed from those things, but I think there is even more.
So here it is-my attempt to share some of the things God is teaching me as we go through our condo experience:
-As I contemplated and thought about what God might be trying to teach me, I asked him to help me see any things that may be keeping me from learning what he has for me to learn, or things that might be hindering my relationship with him. Faithful as always, it didn't take long for God to shed some light.
As I was listening to my podcast the next morning, they talked about the idea of not letting the world influence you more than it should and about protecting yourself and your mind from all the icky stuff that's trying to invade. He mentioned the idea of a media fast, and how influential just a few days of not having that constant bombardment can be.
Then it dawned on me. I have already felt convicted about choosing very carefully what I watch on tv, however, I had never thought too much about all the time I spend on the internet. I spend way too much time on the Internet. It's my go to when I am bored, or when I have a moment to relax and am trying not to watch tv. I even watch tv on the internet having convinced myself it is better than watching it live because I don't have to endure the commercials.
Our kids are growing up in this era of bombarding technology, and quite frankly, we are in the midst of it as well. How I choose to respond to it will have a direct effect on my son, and it is critical that I make some decisions now while he is still young about how I want to influence him in that regard. Now is the time for me to form and instill some really good habits that I can hold on to as he grows.
So...in light of that, I turned off my laptop and vowed to leave it off until the end of the month. They say it takes 21 days to instill a habit, and that won't quite be that long, but it's a start. As you can tell I am on the internet now as I write this, but I want to drastically reduce the time I spend on here so that is my goal over the next few weeks. I even hope to leave my laptop at home as I make a trip to Indiana in a few weeks. No checking facebook 15 times a day, no looking for houses on craigslist and qcfsbo incessantly, no browsing ebay just because I am bored.
Lesson learned: You can control what you let in your mind-and what you let in your mind will have a direct effect on how your children deal all that their presented with.
-If I want to learn what God has me to learn, I need to start searching. Could God just reveal to me one day what he has for me to learn? Sure he could. But does he want me to start searching? Yes! "Draw near to God and he will draw near to you," is what the Bible says.
How can I accomplish this you might ask? Well, for me, the answer is actually pretty simple: start reading. I read my Bible, but I have lots of books that will help me delve in even deeper and guide me in learning more about how I can apply the truth's of God's Word.
I used to read a lot, and I know that when I do, it really help me to grow.
So that is what God is teaching me right now-
Lesson learned: If I want to be closer to him and learn in this trial-I need to go searching.
-Another thing I am learning about or being reminded about is that I can choose whether to be ruled by emotions or by what I know to be true. With all the stress, lack of sleep and general uprooting of ourselves and all of our stuff, my emotions have been all over the place. I'm sure you can tell that if you've read some of the confessions. But that doesn't mean I have to lose sight of what I know to be true, if my feelings are guiding me elsewhere. I have post it notes all over my desktop on my laptop (which is now turned off so I can't see them) reminding me of the promises to those who wait on the Lord. I know I can hold on to those things, even when things aren't going the way I would have liked them to. Because he can see what we don't, we can trust that God always knows best, and that he always has our best in mind because he loves us more than we can imagine. I can also keep reminding myself of all the things he has done in the past in my life and in the lives of others that prove his faithfulness.
Lesson learned: I can choose not to be ruled by my emotions but by the truth of God's Word and the promises he has given us.
I'm sure I could come up with even more, but that is what's been on my heart this week.
Hopefully there will be more to come...
P.S. the book I am reading to this week is Living on the Edge-How to Become an R12 Christian (based on Romans 12). We've been studying this in our small group but I hadn't started reading the book until now. If you're interested in growing and maturing in your faith and helping disciple others towards the same-this is a great book to help you get on the right track.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Confessions of the Condo-Only 3 weeks? Really?
-As you can tell from the title of the post I have been reflecting on our time here lately. And the fact that it has only been 3 weeks. I told my husband I don't like this. "Don't like what?" he asked. "This whole condo thing. I don't like it." Yes, it's nicer than we could've ended up with. Yes, it has in an house washer and dryer, and there are lots of places within walking distance. But I still don't like it. I think I've been struggling with finding contentment-regardless of my circumstances. Someone please come and pop my selfish bubble I've been living in lately.
-I was challenged this morning by a statement I heard on a podcast I was listening to. I was listening to Chip Ingram and he was talking about God's best for us and said something along the lines of God sometimes takes us through or allows hard or difficult things to help us realize the bad things we have allowed in our lives-to help us turn away from them.
I've many times been convicted about the kind and amount of media I take in. Growing up TV was how we as a family relaxed in the evening, and I continue to rely on it as a means of taking a moment to unwind or relax. But there is not a lot on there that is good for "renewing my mind," or that helps me do as Phillipians 4:8 says,
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
Nonetheless, I continue to struggle with watching too much and when I do watch it it's not usually something having nothing to do with what the above verse mentions. In fact it is usually the opposite. I spend way too much time on the Internet too, ebay, craigslist, email, facebook-sitting staring at the computer screen while my little one pulls and tugs wanting me to read one of his beloved tractor brochures. Or take him on a walk. Or just give him a moment of my attention.
And then, I have to wonder, is that partly what this whole condo thing is about? We get basically 3 or 4 channels here, and once is classic tv. Is this part of God trying to help me break this bad habit? Is the fact that Benjamin wants to go for a walk daily and generally not wanting to sit around the condo all day training me to take time out of my day just for him? Oh the challenge of fighting everything this world bombards us with, let alone protecting our kids from it. I think before we can protect our kids we have to learn to protect ourselves.
-On a different note, we were finally able to get our church pictures taken on Sunday. I wore a dress I had in my closet rather than one I had gone out and bought for the occasion, some shoes I got for free at a yard sale, and my $.25 jean jacket I got at Goodwill on quarter day. Kev wore a dress shirt and tie rather than a suit because he can't wear a suit coat with his crutches, and Benjamin wore the same tie he wore last week. I think we looked just fine and it was a lot less stressful than last week.
-I am beginning to have a love/hate relationship with our washer/dryer. I love that we have our own here in our unit, however, I think they are pretty much the worst things ever. The washer leaves things wet so I have to run everything on an extra spin cycle, and the dryer always seems to take over an hour to get things dry, then it leaves fuzz all over the place. Okay, rant over.
-We went to Sunday school this Sunday and it was wonderful to be back! I think Kev agreed. Made me so thankful for the ladies in the nursery who sacrifice by watching our kids so we Mom's and Dad's can go to class.
-My bad attitude about the whole condo situation often gets projected on my husband. I spend way too much time thinking about all the things he could be doing to help me more or what I wish he would do rather than appreciating all the things he is already doing. With his knee I have had to take on some of his responsibilities, which, with things like taking out the trash, is even more inconvenient now that we have to go through several locked doors to get to our trash can. I also have to carry everything when we go places (including Benjamin) because he can't with his crutches. The other night we couldn't get the outside door unlocked and I had to take Benjamin and walk all the way around to the front of the building to get in (at 9 o'clock at night).
But rather than be bitter because I have to help out a little more, shouldn't I appreciate that he normally does take care of these things? Since we've been married, he's always taken out the trash, I never even usually worry about it. I hardly ever have had to load the car, because he takes care of it. When we go places together (out to eat, church, etc), he almost always takes care of carrying Benjamin, loading him in and out of the car, etc. Rather than having a complaining spirit because I have to take care of those things temporarily, I should be thankful for all of the ways he contributes and helps out. He doesn't have to, but he does.
Still working on that whole humbling thing this week.
-I was challenged this morning by a statement I heard on a podcast I was listening to. I was listening to Chip Ingram and he was talking about God's best for us and said something along the lines of God sometimes takes us through or allows hard or difficult things to help us realize the bad things we have allowed in our lives-to help us turn away from them.
I've many times been convicted about the kind and amount of media I take in. Growing up TV was how we as a family relaxed in the evening, and I continue to rely on it as a means of taking a moment to unwind or relax. But there is not a lot on there that is good for "renewing my mind," or that helps me do as Phillipians 4:8 says,
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
Nonetheless, I continue to struggle with watching too much and when I do watch it it's not usually something having nothing to do with what the above verse mentions. In fact it is usually the opposite. I spend way too much time on the Internet too, ebay, craigslist, email, facebook-sitting staring at the computer screen while my little one pulls and tugs wanting me to read one of his beloved tractor brochures. Or take him on a walk. Or just give him a moment of my attention.
And then, I have to wonder, is that partly what this whole condo thing is about? We get basically 3 or 4 channels here, and once is classic tv. Is this part of God trying to help me break this bad habit? Is the fact that Benjamin wants to go for a walk daily and generally not wanting to sit around the condo all day training me to take time out of my day just for him? Oh the challenge of fighting everything this world bombards us with, let alone protecting our kids from it. I think before we can protect our kids we have to learn to protect ourselves.
-On a different note, we were finally able to get our church pictures taken on Sunday. I wore a dress I had in my closet rather than one I had gone out and bought for the occasion, some shoes I got for free at a yard sale, and my $.25 jean jacket I got at Goodwill on quarter day. Kev wore a dress shirt and tie rather than a suit because he can't wear a suit coat with his crutches, and Benjamin wore the same tie he wore last week. I think we looked just fine and it was a lot less stressful than last week.
-I am beginning to have a love/hate relationship with our washer/dryer. I love that we have our own here in our unit, however, I think they are pretty much the worst things ever. The washer leaves things wet so I have to run everything on an extra spin cycle, and the dryer always seems to take over an hour to get things dry, then it leaves fuzz all over the place. Okay, rant over.
-We went to Sunday school this Sunday and it was wonderful to be back! I think Kev agreed. Made me so thankful for the ladies in the nursery who sacrifice by watching our kids so we Mom's and Dad's can go to class.
-My bad attitude about the whole condo situation often gets projected on my husband. I spend way too much time thinking about all the things he could be doing to help me more or what I wish he would do rather than appreciating all the things he is already doing. With his knee I have had to take on some of his responsibilities, which, with things like taking out the trash, is even more inconvenient now that we have to go through several locked doors to get to our trash can. I also have to carry everything when we go places (including Benjamin) because he can't with his crutches. The other night we couldn't get the outside door unlocked and I had to take Benjamin and walk all the way around to the front of the building to get in (at 9 o'clock at night).
But rather than be bitter because I have to help out a little more, shouldn't I appreciate that he normally does take care of these things? Since we've been married, he's always taken out the trash, I never even usually worry about it. I hardly ever have had to load the car, because he takes care of it. When we go places together (out to eat, church, etc), he almost always takes care of carrying Benjamin, loading him in and out of the car, etc. Rather than having a complaining spirit because I have to take care of those things temporarily, I should be thankful for all of the ways he contributes and helps out. He doesn't have to, but he does.
Still working on that whole humbling thing this week.
Friday, April 13, 2012
The Dreaded Stockpile
When we first got married I decided that I wanted to become an avid couponer, and it wasn't long before I started learning the art of "stockpiling."
If you're not familiar, that is when you get a really good deal on an item so you "stock up" on it, or in other words, buy a whole lot more than actually need at a given time. The idea is you buy when the price is right, and then have things on hand when you need them. This is not a bad idea in itself of course, unless you become one of those crazy hoarding stockpilers who clears the entire shelf like you might have seen on some of those extreme couponing shows.
I am not and have definitely not ever been the crazy shelf clearing stockpilers. Quite frankly, I didn't have the room even if I wanted to. I did however, get a little carried away on a few things. Like instant potatoes. And Chex Mix. And laundry soap. And cake mixes.
Let me tell you, the last thing you want when dealing with a move is to have a bunch of food on hand. When we put our house on the market, I began frantically trying to reduce the dreaded stockpile. Kev's coworkers were the recipients of a lot of my cake mix reduction as I found several bar type desserts that I could use it in.
Unfortunately, it takes awhile to use up laundry soap. And what in the world do you do with chex besides, well, make chex mix?
Here we go again. My goal in these next few however many months is to significantly reduce the non-perishables.
As I do that, I wanted to share some of the recipes I am utilizing with the hope that others may benefit from the pantry friendly recipes I find.
For last night's supper, I was able to use up a bottle of BBQ sauce, a can of crushed pineapple (well, half of it), a package of frozen green beans and a pouch of instant sour cream and chives potatoes.
Here is the recipe:
Glazed Pineapple Chops
http://www.kraftrecipes.com/recipes/glazed-pineapple-chops-75088.aspx?pf=true
These take about 20 minutes on the grill. I also cooked the green beans on the grill (actually my husband did) by placing them in a foil packet mixed with some onion, bacon, and spices.
The instant potatoes can be ready in a matter of minutes, so I just threw those on the stove.
Easy!
Here is also a dessert that I made today that also took a matter of minutes and helped used up one of my 5 or 6 boxes of Chex Cereal and some corn syrup:
No bake Honey-Peanut Butter Bars
http://www.bettycrocker.com/recipes/no-bake-honey-peanut-butter-bars/c7b46ee0-8b26-41a8-bd16-18af66f58625
There are an amazing number of recipes for different kinds of chex bars-who would've thought! You can find those on bettycrocker.com, one of my favorite recipe sites. Be sure to check out kraftfoods.com too, they also have some great recipes!
If you're not familiar, that is when you get a really good deal on an item so you "stock up" on it, or in other words, buy a whole lot more than actually need at a given time. The idea is you buy when the price is right, and then have things on hand when you need them. This is not a bad idea in itself of course, unless you become one of those crazy hoarding stockpilers who clears the entire shelf like you might have seen on some of those extreme couponing shows.
I am not and have definitely not ever been the crazy shelf clearing stockpilers. Quite frankly, I didn't have the room even if I wanted to. I did however, get a little carried away on a few things. Like instant potatoes. And Chex Mix. And laundry soap. And cake mixes.
Let me tell you, the last thing you want when dealing with a move is to have a bunch of food on hand. When we put our house on the market, I began frantically trying to reduce the dreaded stockpile. Kev's coworkers were the recipients of a lot of my cake mix reduction as I found several bar type desserts that I could use it in.
Unfortunately, it takes awhile to use up laundry soap. And what in the world do you do with chex besides, well, make chex mix?
Here we go again. My goal in these next few however many months is to significantly reduce the non-perishables.
As I do that, I wanted to share some of the recipes I am utilizing with the hope that others may benefit from the pantry friendly recipes I find.
For last night's supper, I was able to use up a bottle of BBQ sauce, a can of crushed pineapple (well, half of it), a package of frozen green beans and a pouch of instant sour cream and chives potatoes.
Here is the recipe:
Glazed Pineapple Chops
http://www.kraftrecipes.com/recipes/glazed-pineapple-chops-75088.aspx?pf=true
These take about 20 minutes on the grill. I also cooked the green beans on the grill (actually my husband did) by placing them in a foil packet mixed with some onion, bacon, and spices.
The instant potatoes can be ready in a matter of minutes, so I just threw those on the stove.
Easy!
Here is also a dessert that I made today that also took a matter of minutes and helped used up one of my 5 or 6 boxes of Chex Cereal and some corn syrup:
No bake Honey-Peanut Butter Bars
http://www.bettycrocker.com/recipes/no-bake-honey-peanut-butter-bars/c7b46ee0-8b26-41a8-bd16-18af66f58625
There are an amazing number of recipes for different kinds of chex bars-who would've thought! You can find those on bettycrocker.com, one of my favorite recipe sites. Be sure to check out kraftfoods.com too, they also have some great recipes!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Confessions of the Condo-Putting things in Perspective
When I was thinking about my confessions for the week yesterday, I thought they were going to have to take on a more negative tone this week. But as I begin to catch up on sleep and step off my the emotional roller coaster I seemed to be on the last few days, I think I'm regaining my perspective.
-I'm beginning to understand why my son often has emotional meltdowns when he gets too tired. Sure his might be a little more dramatic, but I can put on a pretty good show of my own. Case in point: Benjamin did not sleep through the night one night last week as he usually does, and now that I have my super sensitive Mom radar which awakens with every single stir, neither did I. He preceded to miss a few naps and by the weekend we were both way behind. Not a good combination. After Sunday morning's stressing getting out the door on time (which we did not), squirming and squealing throughout the church service (which we had to leave) and deciding to skip the family get together so we could all go to sleep (which we did), we are finally on the upswing.
-After all our Sunday stress, I was really envying all the facebook activity I saw regarding Easter. Friends and families, Easter egg hungs, pretty dresses and handsome suits. I feel like we totally missed it and like everyone else is having and grand old time while we are sitting here miserable. Again, it's all about perspective of course, and at times I focus on the hardships of the circumstances and the emotions they usher in rather than choosing to see the blessings and cling to the promises. I guess that is the human in me.
-Condo Blessings: Ha! With the things mentioned above? How could I possibly find any this week? Well...I started to complain about the stackable washer/dryer yesterday and how annoying it is, but then I thought-what if I had to go to a shared laundry room (dorm flashback) and try to get our laundry done that way? Okay, I get it-stackable washer/dryer successfully appreciated, thank you Lord for providing that.
-Condo Blessing: Fireplace. I'm actually getting too use it today with the colder temps outside.
-Kev's knee has taken a turn for the better. It popped around again the other day and he was suddenly able to put weight on it without pain. I must say the crutches are a challenge for both of us: I have to try and be sensitive to all the things he can't do and he has to deal with the frustration of all the things he can't do. For example, he can't take out the trash, like he usually does. He can't load the car for church. He can't enjoy going for a walk.
-thinking more about the whole Easter Sunday fiasco, I couldn't help but think of a conversation my husband and I were having last Sunday about facades, especially at church. I was saying I hate how we do that, putting on facades rather than just being real and letting our problems be known so we can move on to healing rather than hiding. Of course I was thinking more about other people rather than ourselves, although my husband made the comment that he thought we did it too...Fast forward one week to this Sunday...A lot of times people comment on how good Benjamin is about sitting in church. I even had someone ask if he was ever bad. I had to keep from lol or rofl. It's easy to pride ourselves and think people must think we are really good parents because we can get our son to sit still for a half hour, when really it takes some work and a lot of prayer and mostly I have to give him the credit because I don't really know why he does it. But it's a facade we can put on. Yes, our son is always good and we should get all the credit because we are just that good of parents. Yeah right. The truth is that are son is just as imperfect as we are and the fit he was throwing this Sunday in church proved it. Facade broken.
-Truthfully, we are struggling with the whole condo situation. That's why I try to focus on some blessings. It's hard going from 1800 sq ft of space to 775. It's hard for my husband to not have a space for himself, previously known as his office. It's been hard for Benjamin to adjust, I am thankful he sleeps through the night but during the day he often wants to leave and either go in the car somewhere or outside. He has been cranky, and tired, and often hard to deal with. Kev's knee has only added to the frustration. Having a 45 minute drive to church now makes it even harder to be faithful about going. But God is here, and something our Youth Pastor said in his sermon on Sunday really stuck with me (it was also pretty much the only part I heard). He asked that we think of something that we are currently dealing with that we would wish away, frustrating things or circumstances that we don't want to deal with. Well that part was pretty easy. But then he said to think of those things as part of God's plan. That really hit me-these circumstances are all part of God's plan. Moving to the condo? Part of God's plan. Kev hurting his knee? Part of God's plan.
That really helped me put things in perspective. As I think back on the hard things God has taken me through, I can always see purpose in them. And I am confident I will do the same when we get to the other side of this. He always has our good in mind, even when we can't see the outcome.
-Another Sunday related confession: I shopped for the last week or two for a dress so that I could have an Easter Sunday dress and also attempted to make it match what Benjamin was wearing and even preceded to drive all over town Saturday trying to find Kev a matching tie so we could get our church picture taken. Not only did I end up buying two dresses and a pair of shoes that I didn't wear, but I made Benjamin miss his afternoon nap because I was driving all over the Quad Cities trying to find an Easter themed tie. Needless to say, I wasted a lot of time because we did not get our pictures taken on Sunday. Kev didn't even wear a tie because I hadn't picked one out for him and when I finally grabbed one on the way out the door he didn't have time to put it on. At least the dresses and shoes I bought were from the place I consign and I used store credit to buy them?
It's been a humbling week.
-I'm beginning to understand why my son often has emotional meltdowns when he gets too tired. Sure his might be a little more dramatic, but I can put on a pretty good show of my own. Case in point: Benjamin did not sleep through the night one night last week as he usually does, and now that I have my super sensitive Mom radar which awakens with every single stir, neither did I. He preceded to miss a few naps and by the weekend we were both way behind. Not a good combination. After Sunday morning's stressing getting out the door on time (which we did not), squirming and squealing throughout the church service (which we had to leave) and deciding to skip the family get together so we could all go to sleep (which we did), we are finally on the upswing.
-After all our Sunday stress, I was really envying all the facebook activity I saw regarding Easter. Friends and families, Easter egg hungs, pretty dresses and handsome suits. I feel like we totally missed it and like everyone else is having and grand old time while we are sitting here miserable. Again, it's all about perspective of course, and at times I focus on the hardships of the circumstances and the emotions they usher in rather than choosing to see the blessings and cling to the promises. I guess that is the human in me.
-Condo Blessings: Ha! With the things mentioned above? How could I possibly find any this week? Well...I started to complain about the stackable washer/dryer yesterday and how annoying it is, but then I thought-what if I had to go to a shared laundry room (dorm flashback) and try to get our laundry done that way? Okay, I get it-stackable washer/dryer successfully appreciated, thank you Lord for providing that.
-Condo Blessing: Fireplace. I'm actually getting too use it today with the colder temps outside.
-Kev's knee has taken a turn for the better. It popped around again the other day and he was suddenly able to put weight on it without pain. I must say the crutches are a challenge for both of us: I have to try and be sensitive to all the things he can't do and he has to deal with the frustration of all the things he can't do. For example, he can't take out the trash, like he usually does. He can't load the car for church. He can't enjoy going for a walk.
-thinking more about the whole Easter Sunday fiasco, I couldn't help but think of a conversation my husband and I were having last Sunday about facades, especially at church. I was saying I hate how we do that, putting on facades rather than just being real and letting our problems be known so we can move on to healing rather than hiding. Of course I was thinking more about other people rather than ourselves, although my husband made the comment that he thought we did it too...Fast forward one week to this Sunday...A lot of times people comment on how good Benjamin is about sitting in church. I even had someone ask if he was ever bad. I had to keep from lol or rofl. It's easy to pride ourselves and think people must think we are really good parents because we can get our son to sit still for a half hour, when really it takes some work and a lot of prayer and mostly I have to give him the credit because I don't really know why he does it. But it's a facade we can put on. Yes, our son is always good and we should get all the credit because we are just that good of parents. Yeah right. The truth is that are son is just as imperfect as we are and the fit he was throwing this Sunday in church proved it. Facade broken.
-Truthfully, we are struggling with the whole condo situation. That's why I try to focus on some blessings. It's hard going from 1800 sq ft of space to 775. It's hard for my husband to not have a space for himself, previously known as his office. It's been hard for Benjamin to adjust, I am thankful he sleeps through the night but during the day he often wants to leave and either go in the car somewhere or outside. He has been cranky, and tired, and often hard to deal with. Kev's knee has only added to the frustration. Having a 45 minute drive to church now makes it even harder to be faithful about going. But God is here, and something our Youth Pastor said in his sermon on Sunday really stuck with me (it was also pretty much the only part I heard). He asked that we think of something that we are currently dealing with that we would wish away, frustrating things or circumstances that we don't want to deal with. Well that part was pretty easy. But then he said to think of those things as part of God's plan. That really hit me-these circumstances are all part of God's plan. Moving to the condo? Part of God's plan. Kev hurting his knee? Part of God's plan.
That really helped me put things in perspective. As I think back on the hard things God has taken me through, I can always see purpose in them. And I am confident I will do the same when we get to the other side of this. He always has our good in mind, even when we can't see the outcome.
-Another Sunday related confession: I shopped for the last week or two for a dress so that I could have an Easter Sunday dress and also attempted to make it match what Benjamin was wearing and even preceded to drive all over town Saturday trying to find Kev a matching tie so we could get our church picture taken. Not only did I end up buying two dresses and a pair of shoes that I didn't wear, but I made Benjamin miss his afternoon nap because I was driving all over the Quad Cities trying to find an Easter themed tie. Needless to say, I wasted a lot of time because we did not get our pictures taken on Sunday. Kev didn't even wear a tie because I hadn't picked one out for him and when I finally grabbed one on the way out the door he didn't have time to put it on. At least the dresses and shoes I bought were from the place I consign and I used store credit to buy them?
It's been a humbling week.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Easter and the Old Testament
As Easter nears, I have been trying to figure out how to get my focus on the cross. With Good Friday only being a couple days away, I feel like I am a little late.
I've been reading in the Old Testament, so I feel like unless I go and read the gospel accounts, I'm not really going to be able to get my focus where it needs to be this week.
But then this morning I happened upon the story of Naaman. If you're not familiar, the story is found in 2 Kings 5 and is an account of an army commander from a pagan nation who suffered from leprosy.
One day Naaman's wife's slave girl (an Israelite captured in a raid) comes to Naaman's wife and suggests that Naaman see the prophet in Samaria, confident that the prophet would be able to heal him of his leprosy. Naaman decides to follow her suggestion, and goes to see his King to see what he thinks. The King tells him to go and sends some gifts along to help adequately compensate the prophet for his healing.
When Naaman arrives, the Israelite King is not real happy about the request, but Elisha (the prophet) shows up and tells the King to let him take care of it:
" But when Elisha, the man of God, heard that the king of Israel had torn his clothes in dismay, he sent this message to him: “Why are you so upset? Send Naaman to me, and he will learn that there is a true prophet here in Israel.” (2 Kings 5:8)
So Naaman goes to the prophet Elisha's house with all his horses and chariots and waits for him to come out. But instead of coming out, Elisha sends out a messenger with this message:
"Go and wash yourself seven times in the Jordan River. Then your skin will be restored, and you will be healed of your leprosy." (v 10)
Naaman is not happy with the response. "He's not even going to come out here? I expected him to come out and wave his hand over me and pray to the Lord his God and heal me! He wants me to go to this cruddy river in Israel when there are all these sparkling clean rivers I could be going to instead? Forget it!" (v 11-12 paraphrased)
Thankfully Naaman had some levelheaded officers to reason with him:
"Sir, if the prophet had told you to do something very difficult, wouldn’t you have done it? So you should certainly obey him when he says simply, ‘Go and wash and be cured!" (v 13)
Apparently Naaman respected their wisdom. He went down to the Jordan and dipped himself seven times, just as Elisha said, and was instantly healed.
It surely wasn't easy for Naaman to humble himself and go to an Israelite (the enemy) for help. It definitely wasn't easy to believe that by simply dunking himself in the Jordan 7 times he would be healed. But it was that simple.
Wash and be clean.
We're all in need of healing. Like Naaman, we suffer from a contagious disease, which reaps havoc on our souls. Sin seeks to destroy us, but God seeks to heal us.
That's what this week is all about. There's no set of rules or sacrifices that are required of us-just the simple yet sometimes humbling and difficult task of believing that what Jesus did was enough. His sacrifice paid it all, it was his entire purpose in coming to this Earth.
Friday is often times viewed as a solemn and sad day, because it's the day we remember that Jesus died. But's also the day that he willingly fulfilled his purpose, which was to pay the price for our sins, and that was no small matter. In a moment of separateness a holy God turned away from his perfect son as he took on the sins of the world:
"Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” which means “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?" (Mark 15:34)
It's not easy. It wasn't easy for Jesus. But it's simple. He came and he died so that you could live-so that you could be healed.
Naaman took a chance. It wasn't easy, but it was simple:
Wash and be healed. Believe that it is enough.
I hope this Easter that you will do the same.
Lord, now indeed I find,
Thy power, and thine alone,
Can change the leper's spots,
And melt the heart of stone.
Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.
I've been reading in the Old Testament, so I feel like unless I go and read the gospel accounts, I'm not really going to be able to get my focus where it needs to be this week.
But then this morning I happened upon the story of Naaman. If you're not familiar, the story is found in 2 Kings 5 and is an account of an army commander from a pagan nation who suffered from leprosy.
One day Naaman's wife's slave girl (an Israelite captured in a raid) comes to Naaman's wife and suggests that Naaman see the prophet in Samaria, confident that the prophet would be able to heal him of his leprosy. Naaman decides to follow her suggestion, and goes to see his King to see what he thinks. The King tells him to go and sends some gifts along to help adequately compensate the prophet for his healing.
When Naaman arrives, the Israelite King is not real happy about the request, but Elisha (the prophet) shows up and tells the King to let him take care of it:
" But when Elisha, the man of God, heard that the king of Israel had torn his clothes in dismay, he sent this message to him: “Why are you so upset? Send Naaman to me, and he will learn that there is a true prophet here in Israel.” (2 Kings 5:8)
So Naaman goes to the prophet Elisha's house with all his horses and chariots and waits for him to come out. But instead of coming out, Elisha sends out a messenger with this message:
"Go and wash yourself seven times in the Jordan River. Then your skin will be restored, and you will be healed of your leprosy." (v 10)
Naaman is not happy with the response. "He's not even going to come out here? I expected him to come out and wave his hand over me and pray to the Lord his God and heal me! He wants me to go to this cruddy river in Israel when there are all these sparkling clean rivers I could be going to instead? Forget it!" (v 11-12 paraphrased)
Thankfully Naaman had some levelheaded officers to reason with him:
"Sir, if the prophet had told you to do something very difficult, wouldn’t you have done it? So you should certainly obey him when he says simply, ‘Go and wash and be cured!" (v 13)
Apparently Naaman respected their wisdom. He went down to the Jordan and dipped himself seven times, just as Elisha said, and was instantly healed.
It surely wasn't easy for Naaman to humble himself and go to an Israelite (the enemy) for help. It definitely wasn't easy to believe that by simply dunking himself in the Jordan 7 times he would be healed. But it was that simple.
Wash and be clean.
We're all in need of healing. Like Naaman, we suffer from a contagious disease, which reaps havoc on our souls. Sin seeks to destroy us, but God seeks to heal us.
That's what this week is all about. There's no set of rules or sacrifices that are required of us-just the simple yet sometimes humbling and difficult task of believing that what Jesus did was enough. His sacrifice paid it all, it was his entire purpose in coming to this Earth.
Friday is often times viewed as a solemn and sad day, because it's the day we remember that Jesus died. But's also the day that he willingly fulfilled his purpose, which was to pay the price for our sins, and that was no small matter. In a moment of separateness a holy God turned away from his perfect son as he took on the sins of the world:
"Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” which means “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?" (Mark 15:34)
It's not easy. It wasn't easy for Jesus. But it's simple. He came and he died so that you could live-so that you could be healed.
Naaman took a chance. It wasn't easy, but it was simple:
Wash and be healed. Believe that it is enough.
I hope this Easter that you will do the same.
Lord, now indeed I find,
Thy power, and thine alone,
Can change the leper's spots,
And melt the heart of stone.
Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Confessions of the Condo
So I've seen this around the blogsphere, and can't help but think it is somewhat liberating and refreshing to just lay our hearts out there every now and then.
So here goes, my "Confessions" from the condo:
-My son had a screaming fit this morning. No idea why other than he seemed to still be tired when he woke up and did not like the fact that I said he could not have his pacifier during "sitting" time (my term for the time when Mommy listens to a podcast and he is supposed to "practice" sitting still and reading his books). My attempts at discipline were only met by more rebellion.
#parentingfail
-In an attempt to recognize the blessings of our current "situation" rather than the inconveniences (which I will now refer to as "condo blessing" from here on out)-I am loving the ability to walk to places. It's so freeing not to have to rely on a vehicle to get to where you need to go, and refreshing to be able to get outside in the fresh air. Plus, it's a way of working exercise in while getting something else done-a double blessing for me who struggles to try and work working out into my day.
#lovingbigcitylife
-I am terrified of setting off the fire alarms in this place. I turned the broiler on for 5 minutes the other day to melt the cheese on top of the pasta dish I was making and managed to end up with blackened cheese. I furiously ran around the place opening every single window and turning our high powered hood fan on high to try and manage the whiff of burntness I thought I smelled.
#cookingfail#535
-Benjamin loves to go outside. The fact that we can walk places is a convenient way for him to con Mommy into taking him for a walk, except that he has come to expect this daily and has decided that he will sit his stubborn little hind right in front of the door until he manages to "convince" me. Our old house was a split level so there was no sitting in front of the door like he can here.
#sometimestheboydrivesmenuts
-We've been hoping/wanting to try and get back to being more faithful church attenders. We used to try and be there whenever the doors were open but have been "taken aback" by this whole parenting thing. Kids are a blessing, but also throw a wrench into your routine. I feel guilty because people would say how they were encouraged by our committment. Now that we live even further away we are hoping to get back to it, but I know it's definitely going to be a challenge. I'm hoping that sharing it here will add an extra degree of accountability.
#guiltisnotagoodmotivater
-I made a hair appointment at a local place that's supposed to be really good, and after making the appointment I found that the cost of a normal haircut is $35, which is outrageous considering I usually pay $10 to $15 at Cost Cutters. I felt bad about calling and cancelling it just because I am cheap, so tonight I am hopefully getting a well worth it $35 haircut.
#cheapandnotashamed
-Kev locked himself out of his car yesterday. I couldn't go get him because Benjamin was sleeping and waking him up from a nap is like asking for a beating. He called AAA and thankfully they came right away.
#Iloveyouevenandhopeyoudon'tmindmewritingaboutyouonmyblog
I think that's enough confessions for the day year.
So here goes, my "Confessions" from the condo:
-My son had a screaming fit this morning. No idea why other than he seemed to still be tired when he woke up and did not like the fact that I said he could not have his pacifier during "sitting" time (my term for the time when Mommy listens to a podcast and he is supposed to "practice" sitting still and reading his books). My attempts at discipline were only met by more rebellion.
#parentingfail
-In an attempt to recognize the blessings of our current "situation" rather than the inconveniences (which I will now refer to as "condo blessing" from here on out)-I am loving the ability to walk to places. It's so freeing not to have to rely on a vehicle to get to where you need to go, and refreshing to be able to get outside in the fresh air. Plus, it's a way of working exercise in while getting something else done-a double blessing for me who struggles to try and work working out into my day.
#lovingbigcitylife
-I am terrified of setting off the fire alarms in this place. I turned the broiler on for 5 minutes the other day to melt the cheese on top of the pasta dish I was making and managed to end up with blackened cheese. I furiously ran around the place opening every single window and turning our high powered hood fan on high to try and manage the whiff of burntness I thought I smelled.
#cookingfail#535
-Benjamin loves to go outside. The fact that we can walk places is a convenient way for him to con Mommy into taking him for a walk, except that he has come to expect this daily and has decided that he will sit his stubborn little hind right in front of the door until he manages to "convince" me. Our old house was a split level so there was no sitting in front of the door like he can here.
#sometimestheboydrivesmenuts
-We've been hoping/wanting to try and get back to being more faithful church attenders. We used to try and be there whenever the doors were open but have been "taken aback" by this whole parenting thing. Kids are a blessing, but also throw a wrench into your routine. I feel guilty because people would say how they were encouraged by our committment. Now that we live even further away we are hoping to get back to it, but I know it's definitely going to be a challenge. I'm hoping that sharing it here will add an extra degree of accountability.
#guiltisnotagoodmotivater
-I made a hair appointment at a local place that's supposed to be really good, and after making the appointment I found that the cost of a normal haircut is $35, which is outrageous considering I usually pay $10 to $15 at Cost Cutters. I felt bad about calling and cancelling it just because I am cheap, so tonight I am hopefully getting a well worth it $35 haircut.
#cheapandnotashamed
-Kev locked himself out of his car yesterday. I couldn't go get him because Benjamin was sleeping and waking him up from a nap is like asking for a beating. He called AAA and thankfully they came right away.
#Iloveyouevenandhopeyoudon'tmindmewritingaboutyouonmyblog
I think that's enough confessions for the day year.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Change Amidst the Unchanging Truth
So I'm sitting here in awe that a whole year has passed since my last post. I could say its because I've been a busy Mom, but I know that it's more a matter of priorities and motivation.
One of my New Years resolutions is to incorporate more balance in my life. I think that will never be an achieved goal, but more one that I am constantly working on.
And now, sitting here in a condo instead of my house, I find that I have more opportunity than ever to try and work on that goal.
We kept saying "we can always move into an apartment for awhile." But I never thought we would actually have to. Now here we are.
It seems like it would have been so much easier to just move into our new house rather than sell our house and still be looking for our new house. But I can't help but think know that God has a reason for all of this.
I'm not going to try and hide it, this has been a whole lot harder than I thought it would be. I kept telling myself that I was willing to do whatever God would ask of us, even if it meant moving somewhere temporarily rather than finding a house by the time we closed on ours.
But as we began apartment hunting, packing and generally turning all of the order I had we knew upside down, I found I was not nearly as willing as I thought. Thought's like
I really wish we didn't have to do this.
or
Why do we have to do this? Why couldn't we just have found a house in time?
often graced my thoughts.
Then we found a condo in a wonderful neighborhood for a very reasonable price (comparatively) with a fireplace and laminate wood floors (I had feared the nastiness that carpets soak up from it's previous occupants and my son crawling around in it).
Thank you for your goodness to us Lord should have been my response.
But then we moved and Benjamin was cranky (though sleeping through the night instantly-another reason to say "Thank you Lord!") and Kev hurt his knee and was rendered immobile for the rest of the day and suffered a migraine on top of it all. And someone got a hold of our credit card and charged $2000 on it (none of which we were held liable, thank you Lord). And more than anything, we were just plain exhausted.
And thank you Lord was immediately shoved out and replaced by this is hard.
But I keep reading and reminding myself that
God is good, all the time.
and
All thing work together for the good of those who love him.
and
He will never give us more than we can handle.
and
He always has our best in mind.
and
He loves us so much that he sent his very own son to die in our place.
and I remember all the hard times he's brought us through already and how we've grown through the things that we would never wish for and I find
contentment
and
hope
and
strength.
God is good all the time, and even when our circumstances try to tell us otherwise, I know, because he is unchanging, that it is still true.
One of my New Years resolutions is to incorporate more balance in my life. I think that will never be an achieved goal, but more one that I am constantly working on.
And now, sitting here in a condo instead of my house, I find that I have more opportunity than ever to try and work on that goal.
We kept saying "we can always move into an apartment for awhile." But I never thought we would actually have to. Now here we are.
It seems like it would have been so much easier to just move into our new house rather than sell our house and still be looking for our new house. But I can't help but think know that God has a reason for all of this.
I'm not going to try and hide it, this has been a whole lot harder than I thought it would be. I kept telling myself that I was willing to do whatever God would ask of us, even if it meant moving somewhere temporarily rather than finding a house by the time we closed on ours.
But as we began apartment hunting, packing and generally turning all of the order I had we knew upside down, I found I was not nearly as willing as I thought. Thought's like
I really wish we didn't have to do this.
or
Why do we have to do this? Why couldn't we just have found a house in time?
often graced my thoughts.
Then we found a condo in a wonderful neighborhood for a very reasonable price (comparatively) with a fireplace and laminate wood floors (I had feared the nastiness that carpets soak up from it's previous occupants and my son crawling around in it).
Thank you for your goodness to us Lord should have been my response.
But then we moved and Benjamin was cranky (though sleeping through the night instantly-another reason to say "Thank you Lord!") and Kev hurt his knee and was rendered immobile for the rest of the day and suffered a migraine on top of it all. And someone got a hold of our credit card and charged $2000 on it (none of which we were held liable, thank you Lord). And more than anything, we were just plain exhausted.
And thank you Lord was immediately shoved out and replaced by this is hard.
But I keep reading and reminding myself that
God is good, all the time.
and
All thing work together for the good of those who love him.
and
He will never give us more than we can handle.
and
He always has our best in mind.
and
He loves us so much that he sent his very own son to die in our place.
and I remember all the hard times he's brought us through already and how we've grown through the things that we would never wish for and I find
contentment
and
hope
and
strength.
God is good all the time, and even when our circumstances try to tell us otherwise, I know, because he is unchanging, that it is still true.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Confessions of a New Mom
Since I'm in the laying it all out there right now let's just start with this:
Confession #1: It's 1:00 and I'm still in my PJs.
Confession #2: I consider it a productive day if I'm able to brush my teeth, put on deodorant and get my 3 meals in. Forget taking a shower.
Confession #3: My house may look at least kind of clean, but let me tell you, it is not. I think there is at least 500 million dust bunnies hiding under couches and beds and unseen places below, and there is at least an inch of dust on better seen places above.
Confession #4: My husband does the laundry. I never asked him to, and I have even told him to stop, but for those of you who know him, he is unceasingly stubborn. He even scolds me if he sees me doing it.
Confession #5: He also does the dishes. We do have a dishwasher, but he is the one who loads it and unloads it.
Confession #6: I swear to you I have never been so exhausted in my life. Seriously, who would have imagined that you could spend your entire waking hours doing nothing but feeding, changing, and entertaining this little person? Every time I try to plan to get something done it pretty much goes out the window.
Confession #7: I often times feel like a total failure. Sure I may be entertaining and keeping this little guy fed, cleaned and happy, but what about my disastrous house? What about my poor husband who is lucky to get 5 minutes of my attention? What about all those thank you notes that I have yet to write? Or that laundry that I feel guilty about? What about the groceries that I have yet to buy? Or the fact that my husband has been having to make his own lunch?
Confession #8: Part of my feeling of failure is directly related to the fact that I constantly compare myself to others and think that they are doing a much better job. Why do we as women do that? Men don't do that. I think it must be an insecurity thing.
Confession #9: In my state of overwhelmedness I often blame others for not being there to help. I don't know that this is really rational or even appropriate, but my expectations of how things would go and what actually is don't really match up.
Confession #10: For me, becoming a mom has been isolating. I can't be as involved in things as I used to, and with having a little one who wants to eat every 2 hours, it really limits what you can do. It really is so much easier not to leave the house.
When people tell you that having a baby changes everything, you should listen, because they are right. Even so, I can't help but think, does everyone experience the things I have been experiencing? If they do, I wouldn't know, because for some reason people don't seem to talk about it. Does it have to do with that insecurity I mentioned that you think everyone else in the world is doing a much better job than you are, and that you must just be an utter failure at balancing motherhood and life? Why do we try so hard to hold up this perfect image of ourselves which is so far from the actual truth? Why can't we just be real?
Even before I became a mother, I thought often about these verses. I thought of them when I got married, and now that I've become a mother, they've resurfaced:
"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." Titus 2:3-5
Is it me, or does this not happen? I might have had several come up to me and say the whole, "it's going to change your life" thing, but what about all of these other feelings? Am I alone, or is this call to discipleship just not happening?
When I got married, I was totally unprepared. I think we both were. We didn't know what marriage was really about, or how hard it can be at times for two selfish people to suddenly transition into a selfless relationship. We had to read books. We had to start attending marriage conferences. Along with experience, that's how we've learned.
I can't help but think about these verses. Where are the women teaching women? Disciplining each other? Sharing feelings that no one else can understand? Going through life's everyday battles together?
There may be fellowship going, but from the point of view of a young mother, there is a desperate need for something more in our churches. We need to follow the command of this verse: "Urge the younger women." Teach them. Encourage them. Share your wisdom. They need to know from those that have been there how to be good mothers and wives, how to juggle all of these things while maintaining their homes.
Don't let the feeling that you are not perfect, that you are not good enough or even past failures keep you from answering this call. We need nothing more than to be real with one another.
Confession #1: It's 1:00 and I'm still in my PJs.
Confession #2: I consider it a productive day if I'm able to brush my teeth, put on deodorant and get my 3 meals in. Forget taking a shower.
Confession #3: My house may look at least kind of clean, but let me tell you, it is not. I think there is at least 500 million dust bunnies hiding under couches and beds and unseen places below, and there is at least an inch of dust on better seen places above.
Confession #4: My husband does the laundry. I never asked him to, and I have even told him to stop, but for those of you who know him, he is unceasingly stubborn. He even scolds me if he sees me doing it.
Confession #5: He also does the dishes. We do have a dishwasher, but he is the one who loads it and unloads it.
Confession #6: I swear to you I have never been so exhausted in my life. Seriously, who would have imagined that you could spend your entire waking hours doing nothing but feeding, changing, and entertaining this little person? Every time I try to plan to get something done it pretty much goes out the window.
Confession #7: I often times feel like a total failure. Sure I may be entertaining and keeping this little guy fed, cleaned and happy, but what about my disastrous house? What about my poor husband who is lucky to get 5 minutes of my attention? What about all those thank you notes that I have yet to write? Or that laundry that I feel guilty about? What about the groceries that I have yet to buy? Or the fact that my husband has been having to make his own lunch?
Confession #8: Part of my feeling of failure is directly related to the fact that I constantly compare myself to others and think that they are doing a much better job. Why do we as women do that? Men don't do that. I think it must be an insecurity thing.
Confession #9: In my state of overwhelmedness I often blame others for not being there to help. I don't know that this is really rational or even appropriate, but my expectations of how things would go and what actually is don't really match up.
Confession #10: For me, becoming a mom has been isolating. I can't be as involved in things as I used to, and with having a little one who wants to eat every 2 hours, it really limits what you can do. It really is so much easier not to leave the house.
When people tell you that having a baby changes everything, you should listen, because they are right. Even so, I can't help but think, does everyone experience the things I have been experiencing? If they do, I wouldn't know, because for some reason people don't seem to talk about it. Does it have to do with that insecurity I mentioned that you think everyone else in the world is doing a much better job than you are, and that you must just be an utter failure at balancing motherhood and life? Why do we try so hard to hold up this perfect image of ourselves which is so far from the actual truth? Why can't we just be real?
Even before I became a mother, I thought often about these verses. I thought of them when I got married, and now that I've become a mother, they've resurfaced:
"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." Titus 2:3-5
Is it me, or does this not happen? I might have had several come up to me and say the whole, "it's going to change your life" thing, but what about all of these other feelings? Am I alone, or is this call to discipleship just not happening?
When I got married, I was totally unprepared. I think we both were. We didn't know what marriage was really about, or how hard it can be at times for two selfish people to suddenly transition into a selfless relationship. We had to read books. We had to start attending marriage conferences. Along with experience, that's how we've learned.
I can't help but think about these verses. Where are the women teaching women? Disciplining each other? Sharing feelings that no one else can understand? Going through life's everyday battles together?
There may be fellowship going, but from the point of view of a young mother, there is a desperate need for something more in our churches. We need to follow the command of this verse: "Urge the younger women." Teach them. Encourage them. Share your wisdom. They need to know from those that have been there how to be good mothers and wives, how to juggle all of these things while maintaining their homes.
Don't let the feeling that you are not perfect, that you are not good enough or even past failures keep you from answering this call. We need nothing more than to be real with one another.
Monday, February 14, 2011
100 Reasons I Love My Husband
Every Valentine's Day, I try to do something new and creative to say "I love you" to my husband. I'm not sure how I came up with this, but I thought it was something that would not only let him know how much I appreciate him, but would also help me realize how lucky I am. Though it might seem a little dramatic or over the top...it's really not. There are probably a thousand reasons...but here's what I was able to come up with so far...100 reasons I love my husband:
1. I know he will do anything within his power to protect us.
2. He's willing to go shopping/buy groceries for me, without me asking, and even if its over his lunch break.
3. He makes sure we're all in church on Sundays.
4. He gives back from what's been given to him.
5. Work is not his priority, family is.
6. He never yells (at least not when he's angry)
7. In the midst of his day, he always takes time to ask how mine is going.
8. He loves snow.
9. He follows his heart, wherever he feels the Lord leading him.
10. He's not afraid to get his hands dirty.
11. He listens.
12. He has a heart for those who are going through hard times.
13. All of the work, time and energy he's put into our house "projects."
14. He's a man of integrity.
15. A lot of what he knows he learned from his Grandpa.
16. He gives God the glory for his success.
17. He's my shoulder to cry on.
18. He works so hard to provide for us.
19. Without hesitation, he gave up an entire years worth of vacation to be with our son.
20. He helps me with laundry.
21. He has always treated me with dignity and respect.
22. He tells me I'm beautiful.
23. He gave me 15 roses on our first Valentine's Day, before we were even dating. And he almost ran over an old lady to get 12 of them.
24. He sets aside every Friday night to spend time with me.
25. He buys me flowers just because.
26. He never forgets my birthday.
27. He still remembers the anniversary of the day he asked me to marry him.
28. He reads Benjamin his bedtime story.
29. He doesn't waver in his convictions.
30. He reads his Bible everyday.
31. He bakes Oreo cakes for me.
32. He's not afraid to hold me accountable.
33. He respects his parents.
34. He always takes out the trash without me asking.
35. He does the dishes just to help me out.
36. He works hard at everything he does.
37. He's a godly man.
38. He always kisses me goodnight & goodbye.
39. He's the best looking man I know.
40. He has a sensitive side, even if he doesn't like to admit it.
41. He's my best friend.
42. He takes time out of his busy day to make Benjamin laugh.
43. He loves his family.
44. He's an awesome Dad.
45. He's a mechanic...
46. ...a handyman...
47. ...a farmer....
48. ...a college recruiter....
49. ...a computer geek....
50. ...a contractor...and much more.
51. He's unwavering loyalty to his alma mater.
52. His love of antique tractors.
53. His boldness, especially for God.
54. He loves his cows.
55. His leadership.
56. His humility.
57. His ability to take flack without dishing it back.
58. He's not afraid to say what he thinks.
59. He's not a messy person.
60. He's the most responsible person I know.
61. He's honest.
62. He trusts me.
63. He's made it through hard times.
64. He likes my cooking.
65. He notices when I clean the house.
66. If it weren't for me, he'd always be on time.
67. His laugh.
68. Every day he emails me in the midst of his day to see how I'm doing.
69. He enjoys garage saleing.
70. I know he would do anything for me.
71. He loves me despite all my flaws and imperfections.
72. He's good at what he does.
73. He watches Benjamin on Saturday mornings so I can sleep in.
74. He doesn't care about or watch sports.
75. He cooks crockpot meals for us on Sundays.
76. He looks good in a suit.
77. He always finishes what he starts.
78. He can fix anything.
79. He's a leader, not a follower.
80. He's not a people pleaser.
81. I consider him God's gift to me.
82. He's a farm boy.
83. He takes care of me when I'm not feeling well.
84. He supports me staying home and appreciates what I do.
85. He still opens doors for me.
86. He thanks me for what I do.
87. He tells me he loves me daily.
88. I know when he said "I do" he meant it.
89. He still holds my hand.
90. He has a generous heart.
91. He wants to be a good husband.
92. He never puts me down.
93. We can argue about how much a hay bales should weigh.
94. He is enjoys having me meet him for lunch.
95. He was overwhelmed with excitement on our wedding day.
96. He's honest with me.
97. He looks forward to our annual couples retreat.
98. I know I can trust him.
99. He's the person I share my life with.
100. He' a blessing to me.
1. I know he will do anything within his power to protect us.
2. He's willing to go shopping/buy groceries for me, without me asking, and even if its over his lunch break.
3. He makes sure we're all in church on Sundays.
4. He gives back from what's been given to him.
5. Work is not his priority, family is.
6. He never yells (at least not when he's angry)
7. In the midst of his day, he always takes time to ask how mine is going.
8. He loves snow.
9. He follows his heart, wherever he feels the Lord leading him.
10. He's not afraid to get his hands dirty.
11. He listens.
12. He has a heart for those who are going through hard times.
13. All of the work, time and energy he's put into our house "projects."
14. He's a man of integrity.
15. A lot of what he knows he learned from his Grandpa.
16. He gives God the glory for his success.
17. He's my shoulder to cry on.
18. He works so hard to provide for us.
19. Without hesitation, he gave up an entire years worth of vacation to be with our son.
20. He helps me with laundry.
21. He has always treated me with dignity and respect.
22. He tells me I'm beautiful.
23. He gave me 15 roses on our first Valentine's Day, before we were even dating. And he almost ran over an old lady to get 12 of them.
24. He sets aside every Friday night to spend time with me.
25. He buys me flowers just because.
26. He never forgets my birthday.
27. He still remembers the anniversary of the day he asked me to marry him.
28. He reads Benjamin his bedtime story.
29. He doesn't waver in his convictions.
30. He reads his Bible everyday.
31. He bakes Oreo cakes for me.
32. He's not afraid to hold me accountable.
33. He respects his parents.
34. He always takes out the trash without me asking.
35. He does the dishes just to help me out.
36. He works hard at everything he does.
37. He's a godly man.
38. He always kisses me goodnight & goodbye.
39. He's the best looking man I know.
40. He has a sensitive side, even if he doesn't like to admit it.
41. He's my best friend.
42. He takes time out of his busy day to make Benjamin laugh.
43. He loves his family.
44. He's an awesome Dad.
45. He's a mechanic...
46. ...a handyman...
47. ...a farmer....
48. ...a college recruiter....
49. ...a computer geek....
50. ...a contractor...and much more.
51. He's unwavering loyalty to his alma mater.
52. His love of antique tractors.
53. His boldness, especially for God.
54. He loves his cows.
55. His leadership.
56. His humility.
57. His ability to take flack without dishing it back.
58. He's not afraid to say what he thinks.
59. He's not a messy person.
60. He's the most responsible person I know.
61. He's honest.
62. He trusts me.
63. He's made it through hard times.
64. He likes my cooking.
65. He notices when I clean the house.
66. If it weren't for me, he'd always be on time.
67. His laugh.
68. Every day he emails me in the midst of his day to see how I'm doing.
69. He enjoys garage saleing.
70. I know he would do anything for me.
71. He loves me despite all my flaws and imperfections.
72. He's good at what he does.
73. He watches Benjamin on Saturday mornings so I can sleep in.
74. He doesn't care about or watch sports.
75. He cooks crockpot meals for us on Sundays.
76. He looks good in a suit.
77. He always finishes what he starts.
78. He can fix anything.
79. He's a leader, not a follower.
80. He's not a people pleaser.
81. I consider him God's gift to me.
82. He's a farm boy.
83. He takes care of me when I'm not feeling well.
84. He supports me staying home and appreciates what I do.
85. He still opens doors for me.
86. He thanks me for what I do.
87. He tells me he loves me daily.
88. I know when he said "I do" he meant it.
89. He still holds my hand.
90. He has a generous heart.
91. He wants to be a good husband.
92. He never puts me down.
93. We can argue about how much a hay bales should weigh.
94. He is enjoys having me meet him for lunch.
95. He was overwhelmed with excitement on our wedding day.
96. He's honest with me.
97. He looks forward to our annual couples retreat.
98. I know I can trust him.
99. He's the person I share my life with.
100. He' a blessing to me.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Reflections from the NICU
I can't believe Benjamin is 2 month old already. Seems like it was just yesterday that I went into labor. I can't believe its been 6 weeks since we were finally able to come home after spending 2 weeks in the hospital.
I'm one of those prepare myself for the worsters. I thinks its sort of a way of safeguarding myself. But I never prepared myself for those 2 weeks. It was totally unexpected. Although its been 6 weeks since we came home, there's some things about those 14 days that I remember all too well.
Although there are a lot of things I don't want to remember about it, its one of those things where I think its good to write something down so when we look back, we can remember God's grace to us in helping us through a difficult situation. It could have been much worse of course, but for us it was a challenge in seeing if we really do trust that his grace is sufficient.
Here are just a few reflections:
. . . . . . . . . . .
To focus on the negative wouldn't be fair or prove the sufficiency of God's grace. In the midst of the bad-there was also good. In fact, in the midst of it, I found myself able to say God is GOOD. Here are just a few reasons why we were able to say that:
I could go on, but needless to say, in the midst of our trial, the Lord was good to us. He gave us strength when we had nothing left. He helped us to not turn on each other even though neither of us had slept for weeks. He came through when we didn't know how we could handle any more.
And now we can say...
His grace truly is sufficient.
I'm one of those prepare myself for the worsters. I thinks its sort of a way of safeguarding myself. But I never prepared myself for those 2 weeks. It was totally unexpected. Although its been 6 weeks since we came home, there's some things about those 14 days that I remember all too well.
Although there are a lot of things I don't want to remember about it, its one of those things where I think its good to write something down so when we look back, we can remember God's grace to us in helping us through a difficult situation. It could have been much worse of course, but for us it was a challenge in seeing if we really do trust that his grace is sufficient.
Here are just a few reflections:
- I'll never forget when they took him away. One minute we were relaxing and counting the time until we got to go home. The next there were suddenly nurses and doctors and a total lack of understanding on our part. Then they were at the door with one of those little beds with a cover telling us to say goodbye.
- They let us walk down with him but when the time came for the spinal tap we had to leave. He had to have 2 spinal taps in his time there. The second one was right down the hall from his room. I swore I could hear his screaming. I had to turn music on because I couldn't bear the sound.
- Shortly after I checked out of postpartum and we began staying in the NICU my feet and ankles became incredibly swollen. So much so that my Mom (who is a doctor) was ready to take me to the emergency room thinking I had a potential blood clot.
- Every morning at about 5 am the lab techs would come in to draw blood. Since babies don't have much for veins they get blood by pricking their heels. I lost count of how many times he had to have his foot stuck. It was a lot.
- The first night he was down there we set an alarm to go down when we thought it was time for him to eat. Later we learned that the nurses would just call when he woke up. But that night we showed up to meet a frustrated nurse who literally rolled her eyes at us as she told us that his blood sugars were low. She went on to try and convince us that he needed to be fed formula and made me feel like a failure for him not eating enough. After putting him on fluids in IV form, the Dr informed us the next morning that the blood sugar was a side effect of having an infection-not me not feeding him enough.
- It didn't take long for Benjamin to become jaundiced-also a potential side effect of the infection and a natural result of breastfeeding. The treatment of course is to put them under UV lights in nothing but their diaper and some little "sunglasses" to keep the light from burning their eyes. To say that Benjamin hated this would be an understatement. He was basically inconsolable. And to make matters worse-we weren't supposed to pick him up and hold him because he had to stay under the lights.
- For the entire stay Benjamin had what seemed like countless wires attached to his body, including 3 attached to a monitor which drove us insane with its incessant dinging. We couldn't pick him up without worrying whether we were going to tear out his IV.
- Benjamin not only had two spinal taps, the jaundice light, and constant heel pricks, but he also had to have a head ultrasound and an in depth hearing test. The ultrasound was to confirm there was no swelling or abnormalities, the hearing test to confirm that the antibiotics had not affected his hearing.
- We were supposed to go home on a Tuesday, the last day of the 14 days. The Saturday before, they told us we might have to stay another week. I don't think I've ever been so disappointed.
. . . . . . . . . . .
To focus on the negative wouldn't be fair or prove the sufficiency of God's grace. In the midst of the bad-there was also good. In fact, in the midst of it, I found myself able to say God is GOOD. Here are just a few reasons why we were able to say that:
- The day after my Mom threatened to take me to the ER, I began to go for nightly walks around the hospital to try and get the swelling down. Thank the Lord it worked. Gradually the swelling began to dissipate.
- In the midst of the bad nurses, there were also some good ones. In fact, the majority of them were.
- We found out later that our car had a bad battery. But despite the bitter cold and having sat in the parking garage for days at a time, every time we went to drive it, it started right up.
- My Mom along with Kevin's parents kept us endlessly stocked with food. We only had to eat hospital food a couple of times.
- One Friday night, a Nurse Practitioner from the Iowa City Children's Hospital suddenly showed up. She was a God send and her recommendation to call Iowa City after the second spinal tap is part of the reason we didn't have to stay another week.
- John Deere was extremely understanding. I would even go as far to say that they were the most supportive. Not only did they allow Kevin to be gone for 2 weeks, they encouraged him to do whatever he needed to do and allowed him to take it as personal sick time rather than vacation.
- In the beginning they told us that we might get evicted from our room if they got too busy and placed in area near the nurses station with curtains for walls. Not only did we not get evicted, but the Saturday they told us we might be staying another week, we asked if we could move to a bigger room with a couch fold out bed we could both sleep on rather than the roll away cot and chair we had been separately sleeping in. Within a few minutes we were moving our stuff.
I could go on, but needless to say, in the midst of our trial, the Lord was good to us. He gave us strength when we had nothing left. He helped us to not turn on each other even though neither of us had slept for weeks. He came through when we didn't know how we could handle any more.
And now we can say...
His grace truly is sufficient.
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