Made to Crave: Determination

Today, I exercised.

Yep, on that ole' Craigslist elliptical machine my husband bought me a few years back.

It's been collecting dust for quite some time now.

As I think about it, I'm quite sure that it has never been used in this house, and we have lived here over a year. Before that, it was in storage for almost the same amount of time.

Suffice it to say, it's been awhile.

I had told myself it was fine, after all I was busy remodeling, painting, digging, carrying, sawing. I was working so hard that I even lost weight this summer.

But then came winter.

And it got really cold. And snowed. A lot.

And although I have not necessarily started gaining weight, I have started to feel pretty blah.

I'm tired

Wore out

Weary

STRESSED.

Ugh. That about sums up the feeling most days.

When I started this study I really didn't think I had a problem with eating. And I certainly didn't need exercise. I lost weight this summer!

I know exercise is good. And I know you're supposed to eat healthy, but truth be told, I've only turned to healthy eating and exercise as a way to lose weight. And since I lost weight rather than gained, I figured I'm good to go.

But you know what? I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of feeling like I weigh way more than I do because I'm eating terribly. Just because I'm not gaining weight does not mean I'm good to go.

So, today, by the grace of God, I exercised. I'm not saying it's a total miracle that I finally decided to exercise, but I AM saying that it took a strength and a motivation other than my own to do it.

Do I suddenly feel full of energy and a zest for life? Not quite. It's going to take some perseverance. And it's going to take some serious discipline. And most importantly, it's going to take me relying on something, or better yet, on someone outside of myself.

This isn't about New Years resolutions, or quick weight loss schemes, or fitting into a pair of jeans. It's about feeling good. It's about being a good steward of not only my health, but of my time and energy. Because I just can't believe that feeling dilapidated and worn out all the time is God's good and perfect plan.

It's about being determined that I was made for more.

Made to Crave: A Raging Battle

First of all, I have to start with a confession:

I am so not motivated to do this study.

I have participated in 2 other online bible studies with Proverbs 31 but this time around I'm just not into it. It started Sunday/Monday and although I followed along on the blog, by Tuesday I was already way behind.

At first I didn't think food was really a struggle for me. I'm not really in the need to lose weight category (at least not at the moment), so I figured I would just focus on other *cravings* I might struggle with.

Then the stress level started climbing. I started to notice how I would think about grabbing some ice cream, or eating out tonight rather than having to worry about fixing supper. Or what about that jar of Valentine's Reese's I moved out of reach so I would stop eating one every time I walked by?

Okay, so maybe I struggle with this food craving stuff more than I was willing to admit. But do I really crave it more than God?

That got me thinking more about my stress. How do I handle my stress? What are my coping mechanisms? Prayer? More time in God's Word?

I wish. The truth is I know that is where I should turn, but it's not what I usually turn to.

So what do I turn to? Usually it's really helpful things like:

the TV (only clean and appropriate shows of course)

the Internet (pinterest, facebook, email-my connection to the world)

Home Decor (full fledged diy-ing)

Shopping (only frugally of course)

I think you get the idea. Obviously these are incredibly helpful solutions to my stress-related problems. Not.

Actually they are more just a waste of time. Actually, most of the time, I am just procrastinating in dealing with or trying to escape what's really bothering me.

Of course, none of these things are necessarily negative on their own, but when used as a means of escape, they become habit. And habits eventually lead to cravings.

I need some Pinterest time to get my creative juices flowing (and stop thinking about this other problem)

I need to go shopping so I can have some me time. (and stop thinking about this other problem)

I need to watch tv can so I can unwind. (and stop thinking about this other problem)

I can say speaking from experience, these things don't make me less stressed. They don't bring me peace. Really, most of the time, they are just a waste of time.

That's the battle for me. Trying to replace things time with God with things like tv, shopping, or Pinterest. Again, not bad in and of themselves, but a really poor substitute when used to replace what I am really seeking.

I may not still be totally on board with this study, but I know I need it. And I know I'll learn from it. Because I am "Made to Crave," and I'm know I'm trying to satisfy my cravings with a lot of things that are never going to satisfy.

Yep, I think I'll press on and stick with it. Because I do want to learn to "satisfy my deepest desire with God, not food"....or anything else for that matter.  And the things that are hardest to stick with are sometimes the things we need the most.