Confessions of the Condo: Catching Up

~My son went to bed at 7 pm Monday night and got up at 9:30 am on Tuesday. I think he was tired. I must say he was in quite the chipper mood most of the morning. If only I could always ensure that he got all the rest he needed. I'm convinced that a lot of the "bad" behavior in children is a result of them being tired.

~My husband and I got to go away for a one night getaway this weekend. We were only away from supper Sunday night until lunch Monday morning, but there's just something about being able to relax and go out to dinner and not worry about taking Benjamin and all of Benjamin's necessities and getting him fed and getting him to bed on time etc etc etc. Thank goodness for Grandma's who don't mind coming and spending some time spoiling their grandson for a night. If you don't have regular date night's and a few getaways throughout the year planned into your marriage, I highly recommend it! (especially for those of you with little ones)


 ~I needed to pick up a few things at HyVee yesterday, so I decided to jog down (after all, it gets you there a lot faster than walking). When I got there, some guy saw me and said, "hey, I just saw you jogging down Devil's Glen!" I'm not sure if it was some kind of incredible surprise that I could've made it to the grocery store that fast or that I would have the audacity to go in the grocery store after jogging. Personally though I find the idea of jogging to go get food kind of amusing.


 ~My husband went to start drive his truck a couple of weeks ago and it wouldn't start. He spent some time researching and doing some different tests and finally figured out it was a starter gone bad. Within a couple hours last night he had it off and replaced and started and running better than ever. I just have to brag on him a bit because I'm always impressed when he fixes things by himself.


 ~I did not get out of my PJ's until sometime after 2 pm yesterday.


 ~I have a constant desire lately to go on some sort of vacation. The last one we went on was when I was about 4 months pregnant with Benjamin, and Kevin went to Colorado for training for a week or so, so technically, it was a work during the week and enjoy the nights and weekend kind of thing. Vacationing with a 1 1/2 year old just isn't the same, and we never know when we're going to move, so it makes it hard to plan something.


 ~Going back to our getaway thing, we got a HUGE hotel room. The last couple of times they have ended up upgrading us to a larger room than the one we booked, but this was definitely the biggest room I've ever stayed in. So much so, as we came to realize, it was BIGGER THAN OUR CONDO! I found that slightly depressing.


 ~We missed Sunday school the last two Sundays. One Sunday Benjamin slept through it, and another he had a runny nose so we thought we should keep him out of the nursery. Funny how our good intentions and desires get overrun by his needs.


~I think I'm finally starting to get caught up from our trip (2 weeks later). Yet I want to go on vacation. Makes a lot of sense, huh?

Bible Study

Hello all my fellow bloggers and followers!

I have been mulling over the idea of beginning a bible study, and wondered if any of you might be interested in joining me. I would be starting the study next Monday, June 4th. Here is the study I am considering:

The study is entitled True Woman 101: Divine Design and is an 8 week study on biblical womanhood. You can find more info on the website:

http://www.truewoman101.com/

If you are interested in joining me, just leave me a comment here or send me a message. You would need to purchase the book, which is available at a variety of places for between $12-$15. You can go here for a list of retailers:  http://www.moodypublishers.com/pub_productDetail.aspx?id=41823&pid=79990

Each week, I will post my answers to the weekly questions on my blog. If you are following along with me, you can feel free to respond and add to the conversation in the comments section of each post. The questions are available both in the book and on the website. There are also several video clips that you can watch on the website if you so desire, so it's really up to you on how in depth you want to go.

I'm also considering doing an email chain of answers to the questions. If that sounds like something that would interest you, you can let me know that as well and I will get your email from you. I will combine the answers into one document so you won't be bombarded by trying to read through them all.

I've never done this before so it may sound good and go terribly, but I'm excited to try! I hope you'll join me!

Beautiful.

Beauty. As a woman, it's something that my life seems to revolve around. Or at least I'm told it should.

By the world, it's physical. The way I look. How much I weigh. My hairstyle. Makeup. Clothes.

Spiritually, its' inner. What flows from your heart. Being the hands and feet of Christ.

Here is something I read in a devotional this morning:

What is satisfaction? Hollywood insists that it includes "beauty" and must be pursued by all means and to all ends. We are asked to believe that to be truly satisfied with ourselves we must be truly beautiful. Yet in Isaiah 53, we read about Jesus: "There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him" (Isaiah 53:2). Apparently, in God's value system, appearance is not that important! It's what people do because of who they are that matters in the highest place, not how they dress it up or paint it on.

I must confess, I am rarely satisfied with how I look. I try not to dwell on it, but when I see all the fit and trim people jogging (seriously they're everywhere here) and know that I used to look like that too, I can't help but think I need to get it together.

Oh how babies change EVERYTHING.

I never really thought about Jesus not being handsome, or "beautiful" as Isaiah says. I try not to let the various depictions of him dictate how I think he might have looked, but I think I still like to think of him as a Jim Caviezel.

The point of course is not whether Jesus was handsome or not, but that in God's eyes, it made no difference. He could have made him to look however he wanted, but he chose for him to be plain looking, "nothing to attract us to him."

But people were attracted to him. Not because of his appearance, but because of his heart. He loved people. Genuinely. Not I will pretend to care so I can feel good about myself love, but real, true compassion and care for others.

I know that God doesn't care about my appearance. Sure he wants me to be healthy and to take care of myself, but not as a means of affirmation or attention.

I've been struck by the words of this song lately. I've listened to it many times, but there are days when it just hits me how true the words are, and how often I don't believe them:

Days will come when you don't have the strength
And all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart
They'd see too much

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His
You're beautiful

Don't let the world tell you you're not good enough. When you focus on that, it takes away from the beautiful things you could be doing because of who you are in Christ. It's a challenge for me, but I have lots of wonderful examples of Godly women around me who are beautiful because of how they love.

From your heavenly Father's perspective, you are beautiful because he created you. You are treasured, and sacred-because you are his. Whether or not you believe it, he loves you. Whether or not you believe it, in his eyes, you are worth everything. That's why he sent his beloved son to this earth-to take the blame for you sins so you could be ushered back into his presence, reconciled and blameless, washed and clean. 

Of all the earth and skies above, you're the one He madly loves enough to die.

Not because of how you look, or what you've done to earn it, or who you're trying to be. 

 Because you are His.

You're beautiful, in His eyes.

Confessions of the Condo: Struggling

-This is one of those weeks where I've spent countless hours perusing house listings. I can't find anything. For some reason I think if I keep looking, maybe I will just happen upon something I haven't seen before. At the same time I know when the right one does come up, I'm probably not going to have to go looking for it, but I can't help myself.

-Going along with that, this is also one of those weeks where I'm struggling. It may take less than an hour to get this condo clean, but it also seems to get dirty an hour after I get done cleaning. When Benjamin makes his usual daily mess with his toys, it takes up most of the living room and doesn't take much before it spreads to his room and our room and the bathroom and the kitchen so it makes the whole place feel messy. We also have to eat at the counter so the counters seem to always be dirty. As you can tell I don't deal well with messiness, but I have a hard time keeping it as spotless as I would like. Maybe there's a lesson here?

-I had someone make the comment recently that Benjamin should be able to play outside (even if it means a few bumps and scrapes-commenting on the knot on his noggin). After all little boys need to be outside. I didn't have the heart to tell her that he can't really play outside very often because there is no where for him to play outside (unless we go to the park). He considers being able to go out to the garage quite the treat.

-We have people ask if there is any update on the housing situation, or if there's been any movement in the market. Lately, my husband's reply has been basically "stagnant."  I don't know if I have ever seen it so stagnant. I'm trying to convince myself this is a good thing because that way we are tempted to settle for something smaller or less than what we are looking for, but it's also slightly discouraging because there hasn't been anything like what we are looking for. Nothing. I'm also tempted to think that when something does come up, everyone is going to go for it because there hasn't been anything for so long. It's definitely stretching our faith-trusting that God WILL work it all out and that he DOES have our best in mind, that he IS faithful and he DOES hear our prayers.

-I've been battling tiredness lately. Too much stress and too little sleep. Heartburn. Cranky little boy. Shoulder out of whack giving me headaches. Complain much? I know, but I've just felt terrible. I figured it was coming. I've been trying to read a lot and take advantage of the opportunity to refresh and grow and focus more on others while I'm here. Satan doesn't like that, so he gave me a few things to try and take me back a few steps. I'm learning though the importance of rest. Without it I'm drained. Without it, I've got nothing to give as a wife and a mom, because I'm running on empty. I'm more inclined to late nights than early mornings, so it's a struggle for me to start getting ready for bed at 9 pm, but I feel so much better when I get a good night's rest.

-I was dwelling on my problems and my tiredness and basically having a pity party for myself the other day. Then, while I was walking into HyVee, I saw a mom with two younger children, plus a third, which she was lowering out of her accessible van because the daughter was in a wheelchair. I knew I needed to be focusing more on the blessings I have, but seeing her plus some things that others I know are going through really put things into perspective for me. What a blessing it is to have a healthy little boy. It didn't have to be that way. But God in his graciousness brought us through some tough stuff.

How can I doubt him now?

God is good all the time. Believe it, even when it doesn't feel like it's true, because it is. He never changes. It's true, regardless of our circumstances.

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
The Lord will give grace and glory;
No good thing will He withhold
From those who walk uprightly.
                              Psalm 84:11

Post-Trip Confessions: Indiana Edition

-We just got back Sunday night at midnight from a 5 day trip to the hubby's home state. We drove 5 hours to visit his family then went 2 more a few days later to a graduation. It wasn't bad until the drive home, pretty sure that was the longest drive ever. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see our cozy little condo.

-Nor have I been so exhausted in my life. Several late nights made it hard to catch up. I was really exhausted after our move here, but this was definitely worse. I felt like I could just lay around for days-not so much an option of course when you have a toddler running around. Thankfully he was just as tired so he ended up taking some really nice long naps this week.

-Our extra two hours was to go down to Indy (Indianapolis for you non Indiana natives), where we stayed in a hotel for one night. Benjamin goes to bed at 7:30, so we did our best to get him in bed by that time at the hotel. What that meant for us was sitting around in the dark for an hour and a half trying to be quiet and still before it was time for us to go to bed. I had to go in the bathroom and use the tub to brush my teeth. Seriously, what kind of hotel doesn't put the sink in the bathroom? Next time we will definitely be splurging for the one bedroom suite-so worth it.

-Of course late nights and long drives are a breeding ground for arguments between tired mommy's and daddy's. After we stopped for supper, I offered to drive for awhile. We needed to get some gas, so I pulled into the gas station where they were apparently pouring new cement pads next to 70% of their pumps, leaving only a few open. I circled around and found the only one that seemed to be open, the one which of course had two kids messing around the car, trying to get ran over. I pulled up and stopped, thinking they would move. They stared at me. The "adult" that was with them just looked at me. Seriously? So I pulled up, my husband assuring me they would move. They didn't. So I inched up, literally less than 6 inches from the pump by the time I stopped. I looked at my husband, he looked at me.

"Do you want ME to get out and do it?" (i.e. You would have the audacity to make your wife get out and pump the gas?)

"Do you want ME to get out and do it?" (i.e. You really expect me to try and squeeze myself in the 6 inch gap you left between the pump and the car?)

Finally I just got out and did it. I think he was pretty sure he couldn't fit. Or would get stuck. Either way it made the next hour or two even longer. (In his defense I had to stand on the "curb" of the gas pump because there was no room left between the car and the pump other than that. Actually I'm surprised I could open the door and get out of the car)

-I got a jogging stroller a couple of weeks ago at a garage sale. Apparently it's a must have here because everyone around here has one. I figured since everyone else here has one that I needed to get one too (and I had been wanting one for awhile before we moved here). I found one for $20 so I thought that was too reasonable of a deal to pass up.

And of course since I now have a jogging stroller, it must mean that I also need to start jogging. I started the week before we left for Indiana, hoping I could keep it up while there. Not. Okay, so then I will start back up when I get back.

Since I was so tired from the trip I waited a few days. I only go about 1/2 a mile because I have to build up very slowly on account of my shin splint issues, so since it's about that far to the grocery store, I decided I had recovered enough to take a short run down to Hyvee on Wednesday to get some groceries.

Bad idea. After walking around for a bit, I started to get a little woozy and light headed. I started thinking how I was going to have to call my husband to come get me and that was going to stress him out because he's been so busy at work and it was going to take  him awhile to get there and my poor son is going to worry what in the world is going on and etc etc etc

Thankfully I was able to finish getting my groceries and start to regain my bearings.

No more running this week. In fact I think it would be a good idea to replace my runs with naps.

-I think it's going to take while to undo all the bad habits Benjamin picked up while traveling. I think for the last week it's taken him twice as long to eat, and he's all the sudden become much pickier about his food.He got to eat much unhealthier than usual. And he now thinks meal time is social hour. And when you're visiting family IT IS a good time to socialize, b/c it's a time when you are all sitting down together. But not so much when you get home and it takes the boy an hour to eat. When we were visiting family he ate fairly healthy, but since I didn't want to deal with transporting food for him for the rest of the trip, he got to "eat out" a lot more than usual.  Chicken tenders and fries and sugar loaded applesauce...ugh.

Oh traveling.

Confessions of the Condo: Mommy Edition

-I told my son the other day that I needed to finish cleaning up my mess and then I would come and clean up his. Although I didn't mean for it to be, I thought that was a pretty good insight into motherhood-trying to clean up our own mess of sin and selfishness while so we can help them learn to clean up theirs.

-I took Benjamin to the mall to the other day and we ate lunch there to help save time. He had some peaches among other things. When I got  home and looked in the mirror I realized I had a piece of peach on my nose...the whole time I was at the mall it was there.

-A different day I went and looked in the mirror and discovered I had green beans in my hair.

-About 2-3 times a week I let Benjamin watch tv. Actually they are videos so I try to convince myself that is better for him than whatever is on tv. One that he loves is about horses, the other is the Winnie the Pooh movie, which he never gets all the way through. He will sit and watch the horse video though, so when I need a 1/2 hour to get something done I will let him watch it. That and Sunday's when he is driving us nuts b/c he missed a nap during church. And on Mondays when he's driving me nuts from missing his nap on Sunday.

-Although he can go without, I still have Benjamin take morning naps (he's 17 months old). He seems to be in a better mood plus it's a hour and half of alone time for me. It does make it harder to run errands though. I only have about an hour and a half to two hour window of opportunity between naps, but the me time and a little boy in a better mood is well worth it.

-In light of the above, I have a hard time with appointments. Usually I can only go if my husband is home. I was getting really sick of my super bland haircut, and because I couldn't find time to go and get it cut, I decided one night just to do it myself. This is not the first time of course, but this is the first time I did something more drastic. Bangs! Yes, I now have bangs, but I have yet to actually wear my hair so you can see them. I usually have them pulled back so you would hardly even notice. My husband has seen it though and seemed to like it, so hopefully I will get brave and sport the new look one of these days.

-Now that I'm a Mom, I really look forward to Mother's Day. My husband usually does something special for me, plus, it gives me a time to acknowledge and recognize my own Mom and Mother in Law and Grandma's for all their love and sacrifice over the years. I'm really excited this year to be able to be with both my husband's family for party of the weekend and with my family the rest, usually it's one or the other so that is a special blessing this year.


I'm sure their are a lot more Mommy related things to confess, but that's all I've got for now.

Have a wonderful and blessed Mother's Day!

Lessons of the Condo: Temptations

Since we've been on this whole house search thing, I can't tell you how tempting compromise has become.

The enemy really has a way of pinpointing our weaknesses.

It's incredibly tempting to settle. On a house. For less than the best. For what's here and now.

It was tempting when the choice was between finding a place to buy or moving to a condo. It's even more tempting now that we are free and clear of our old house.

"You're too picky," people say. "Maybe you missed it."

We know better.

I can't tell you how many times I have pleaded with God not to let us make the wrong decision. For a clear "no" when it was needed. And I can't tell you how many times he's been faithful in answering that prayer.

Countless times.

There was the house back in 2009 (that's when we started this house hunting journey as a married couple) that was barely liveable and full of dog, well, I don't really need to spell it out do I?

There was the house with a ravine running through it.

There was the house that had some sort of septic problem and was bought before we could give it a second thought.

There was the house that potentially had a lead case pending against it.

There was the house could be a potential business endeavor with a driveway that could be used as a ski slope during the winter months. Not to mention the extraordinary amount of work it would entail to make the house liveable.

There was the house that was too small and wouldn't accept our offer.

There was the house we lost on contingency when we didn't sell our house fast enough.

I could go on, but I think you get the point. We've had lots of no's, and I've had to learn to be thankful for those answers as well as the "yes" one that is yet to come.

But the temptations still remain. I was struck by something that was pointed out in church this Sunday though that gave me pretty good reason to keep sticking this out.

Our Pastor was talking about how what we believe will determine our behavior. He spoke of Adam and Eve and the fall, and how through one person believing in Satan's lie, sin entered the world. By one man's offense and disobedience, all of men fell.

One act of disobedience

one wrong decision

and the world was changed forever.

So how does that relate to us? God wants to give us his best-but in order to receive it we have to wait. We can't see what he's doing in the meantime, but we know he has a reason for it, whether it's a practical matter of the right house coming on the market or one of our spiritual growth-we can be confident that it is for our good.

The wrong decision now could affect the rest of our lives. If we act out of frustration and impatience-we won't receive God's best, because we weren't willing to wait for it. Sure, we may not cause the fall of mankind, but we could miss out on all the good stuff that God had planned because we weren't willing to wait.

That's what happened with Adam and Eve. They messed up. Big time. God made a plan to fix it, but there will still consequences. We all live with sin. And frustration. And death. All because of their one mistake.

They believed Satan's lie and settled for less than God's best. Rather than clinging to God's words of truth, they chose to believe the lie.

Here, in this condo, lies are abounding.  

God's not going to provide a house-this is all so he can reroute you somewhere totally different and you can forget your dream of living in the country. 

You think you're ever going to find that much acreage? You better start looking at some more expensive houses and just accept the fact that you're not going to get the acreage you want. 

This condo thing really is terrible. It's not worth it. 

You should go buy a car to make up for the fact that you can't buy a house. That money you're saving for a down payment? It's okay to spend a little bit of it...

And those are just a few.

But then I find verses like this one, spoken by Paul:

At the moment I have all I need—and more! I am generously supplied...and this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:18-19

 I don't need to worry about my future home because he has already supplied me with my present one. 

Furthermore, because he "generously supplies" I know that he will not disappoint me. 

When I think of all this, I can't help but think of my husband. After college, I was alone and wandering and wondering what in the world I was supposed to be doing with my life. It wasn't much later that I met Kev. He's not perfect, but God so abundantly exceeded my expectations for the kind of man I hoped to marry with him that I can't help but trust him in this. 

As James admonishes, "Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:16-17

As our circumstances change, we can continue to trust in a God who doesn't.

Confessions of the Condo: I'm 27 and have gray hair.

In an attempt at humility-here are some confessions about one of those things we women are most insecure about-our appearance. Some of my deepest darkest beauty secrets...

-I sometimes don't wear makeup when I go out. It usually makes me self conscious to some degree, but I'm trying to work on that. I'd really like to get to the point where I'm okay with not having any on and being seen in public.

-Of course I always wear it when I go to church, or to some formal occasion. But when I do I only wear foundation and mascara. I don't like to look like I actually have it on. I never wanted to be one of those people that you gasp at when you see them without makeup on.

-I take a shower at night and go to bed with wet hair. That's my style secret. I twist the curls, sleep on it, and hope for the best.

-I only wash my hair two or maybe three times a week. I read once that it makes it drier when you shampoo it often, so I usually only shampoo it once a week, and only use conditioner the other times.

-I basically wear my hair up every day except Sunday.

-I hardly every wear jeans, unless it's one of those formal occasions where I'm wearing makeup. I spend my weekdays in leggings mostly. I know, I know, you're not supposed to wear them as pants, but they're comfy and I'm not exactly in the latest trend spotlight.

-I'm still not down to my pre-pregnancy weight. I gained 45 lbs with Benjamin, and it was not because I ate a lot. I really don't think I ate much more than usual, I just seemed to absorb water like crazy. After I had him it pooled in my ankles so much my mom thought I had a blood clot. Anyway, I'm finally getting closer, but it took some major working out to shed the last 10-15 lbs. I still have another 5 or so to go now that he's almost a year and a half old. (P.S. my "major" working was doing Jillian Michaels workouts at home)

-If you see me wearing glasses towards the middle or the end of the month, it's usually because my 2 week contacts have gotten so dirty I can't stand them anymore. I'm terribly lazy about cleaning them, and accidentally buying the non no-rub contact solution doesn't help. I recently ran out of contacts completely and procrastinated getting an eye exam for almost a month and ended up wearing my glasses every day for about 3 weeks.

-I've said this before but I usually get haircuts at Cost Cutters or Great Clips. I've even cut it myself when I don't like what they do, or they don't cut it short enough. And, as stated above-I'm starting to get some major gray going on, very visibly that I'm going to have to do something about-or not. My husband fears what will happen if I try coloring it on my own, and about has a heart attack when I tell him what it cost to color in the salon, so he thinks I should just rock the gray. I think not, but so far I'm living with it.

-I say all of this of course to make it seem like I am fairly low maintenance, but really, since I'm now married  and have a little one I think it's more laziness and a little bit of having higher priorities (or less time).  I may spend less time on my appearance now, but it's not because I am content with how I look, it's because I just don't have the time or energy to care as much. I'm working though on realizing how God sees me, and that has nothing to do with looking like the women on covers of magazines, or having all the gray covered up, or covering up the blemishes with makeup, or wearing the latest trends.

More on that later.