2010 Midwinter Couples Retreat

Since I never got around to blogging about the Couples Retreat that we went to, I figured better late than never.

On Valentine's Day weekend, we headed up to Johnston, IA for our 3rd annual Couples Retreat. It's put on by a church up there and usually have nearly 100 couples in attendance, including my parents, who have been going on and off for a number of years. We first started going after being married only 6 weeks or so back in 2007.

As always, it was good just to be able to get away. The retreat is only actually Friday night through Saturday morning, but we always stay an extra night, so we were there Friday through Sunday.

The topic for this year was "5 Facts for Fantastic Marriages," and the speaker was Jim Vogel along with his wife Jeannie. Here is a rundown of the "5 facts":

Fact #1 was that "Marriage is God's Idea." I thought this was a great reminder, though obvious, marriage was God's idea, as we can see clear back in Genesis when he created Eve to be a helper/companion for Adam. It was not something created by society, or something that just happened. It was God's invention.

Fact #2-because marriage was God's idea, its important to realize that he meant it to be built on a spiritual foundation. When you try to approach marriage without a spiritual foundation, things usually don't go to well. The idea with this fact was that a "spiritual foundation" starts with a personal salvation for both the husband and wife, which leads to individual growth, which eventually leads to mutual spiritual fellowship for both partners. Some practical suggestions for developing this growth?: 1. Be sure of your own salvation AND walk with God. 2. Allow personal quiet times to fuel spiritual fellowship/activities (Note: I think its important to have achieved both 1 and 2 individually even before you enter into marriage) 3. Worship and serve together as much as possible 4. Take responsibility for encouraging your partners spiritual growth.

Why are thinking of marriage as God's idea and building your marriage so important?
1. It reduces conflict (If Christ has forgiven you, how can you not forgive your spouse?) 2. It impacts your children. 3. It builds commitment (Gods plan does not include divorce) 4. It enhances our ministry (there are people watching you) 5. It deepens intimacy in other areas (intellectual, emotional, physical).

Fact #3-Marriage is about companionship. Friendship is the foundation of marriage, even before a couple is married. What is a good friendship marked by?
-Good friends make time for one another
-Good friends talk openly-they are honest with each other, they know how to listen, and they realize the value of compassionate, encouraging words.
-Good friends overlook little offenses. They practice forgiveness.
-Good friends unconditionally accept and respect each other.
-Good friends deal with conflict and disagreements proactively.
-Good friends laugh together.

Fact #4-Marriage roles are complementary: Husbands are to be loving leaders, wives are to be respectful followers. A husbands basic need is significance, whereas a wife's basic need is security.

Fact #5-Marriage commitment is for life. When thinking of commitment, they encouraged us to think about 2 things: There's a difference between intentions and actions (willingness to act on your commitment, for better OR for worse), and its better to work out marriage problems than to walk away from them. Really, there are only 2 options if we want to follow God's plan for marriage in the "for worse" times-to stay in a bad marriage (taken out the option for a broken marriage) or to work toward a better marriage. If you take out the option of walking away, what do you have left? WORKING IT OUT!

So that's the basics of what we learned at the conference. There was also a session where the men and women split up-of course I can't speak for what the men talked about, but as for the women, we talked about "How to grow love." The basic thing that I took away from that session was this: As long as you rely on God, you can pour out love to your spouse without ever being empty.

I love the Couples Retreats because they are not only an opportunity to get away from the everyday concerns of life to enjoy some time together, but they are also an opportunity to continue to better your marriage. As they said the first day, "most marriage have challenges, some marriage have more challenges than others, but ALL marriages need improvement."

Since its the anniversary of our first date...

...I thought I would share the story.

If you read the previous post, you know the story of how we met, but I mentioned that our first date is a story in itself.

Although I received 15 roses on Valentine's Day and was officially "asked out" in the parking lot after church, we didn't actually go out on our first date until several days later. I had planned on going home that following weekend to my parents, as my mom was going to be gone for the weekend so I was going to go home and see my dad. I had planned on coming back Saturday night so I could go to church in LeClaire Sunday, so I told Kev that we might be able to get together that Saturday night, depending on what time I happened to be driving through Davenport on my way home to Clinton.

Little did I know that he was going to be showered and ready, sitting by the phone waiting in eager anticipation of my call.

I never called.

So, we ended up going out Monday night. Kev had suggested Culver's and then maybe some bowling. I however, being the person that I am, wanted to get out of Clinton where I had a 95% chance of running into people I knew, so I suggested a nice "unique" restaurant in a small town known as Sabula, IA, about a 1/2 hours drive from my place in Clinton.

For those of you that don't know, Sabula is an actual "island" town. It is one of those places where not only does everyone know everyone else, but they are probably related to everyone else as well.

I had done some research and found out they had a little restaurant there known as the "island cafe." Sounds like a nice little cafe type thing, right?

By the time Kev came and picked me up that evening, we had been emailing back and forth and decided (or I had decided) that we should give the ole Island Cafe in Sabula a try. After all, I wanted to do something more unique than bowling and Culvers for our first date.

It was unique alright. By cafe they must have meant that they served coffee, because it was one of those places where all the locals come to have their morning, afternoon, and evening coffee with their friends which are also their family. And they're not afraid to stare.

As we pulled up to the restaurant, I distinctly remember thinking to myself, "uh oh," but of course I didn't say anything to Kev nor look at him for that matter. I couldn't imagine what he was thinking, after I had insisted on coming here rather than Culvers. After we walked in and sat down in the booth, our waitress came to take our order, she and her 50 tatoos. I actually didn't notice the tatoos at first, but Kev did, giving me this sort of, "oh my" look. There were only like 2 other people in the restaurant at the time.

The food was actually really good. I thought I would impress Kev by putting away a big juicy bacon cheeseburger and cleaning my plate. Man was I full.

Kev apparently thought it was quite a long drive up there. But let me tell you, the drive back was like an eternity! It started out nice as we chatted about our dining experience, but it didn't take long for him to get straight to the point (Those of you that know him understand what I mean).

As we were talking, he decided to bring up the fact that he didn't date around, as in when he dated he had the intention of getting married.

I told him he better lock the doors before I decided to jump out of the truck.

And then he preceded to say that since he was a Deacon at church, people would be watching us.

Because of the above stated fact, rather than going back to my place, we kept driving, first around the block, then downtown, then around downtown again, then out around town, then back around downtown, and again...I think you get the point.

And then, my parents called.

And for some reason unbeknown to me, I answered. In the middle of our date. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: Hello? giggle giggle
Mom: Hello? What are you doing?
Me: Nothing...giggle giggle
Mom: Are you alone?
Me: Ummmm....giggle giggle
Mom: Where are you?
Me: Driving around...giggle giggle
Mom: Are you on a date!?
Me: No! giggle giggle

Obviously, I hadn't told my parents about Kev yet, but Mom knew something was up, and if she didn't know before, she definitely knew now! After the date of course, I had to call them back and confess that I was indeed on a date. After I told her his name, she proceeded to google him.

After the interruption, as we continued our drive throughout Clinton County, sometime during the conversation he referred to me as his girlfriend. And then he called me "honey."

Let's just say, this did not go over well. I don't think my defense walls have ever gone up so fast. I informed him that it would take at least 3 dates before he was allowed to call me his "girlfriend," and the whole petname thing, well, let's just say that would take a little longer. I think we talked about that for awhile.

After 2+ hours of driving around and using nearly 1/2 a tank of gas or more, he finally took me home. After walking me to my door, saying goodbye and SHAKING MY HAND, he left, and that was the end of our first date.

That Wednesday, (our date was Monday) he left for Chicago for TWO days. And in that time, I realized, I missed him.

Our 2nd date was quite the experience as well. I will say that part of this involved him driving to Clinton to bring me back to Davenport in the middle of an ice/snow storm. It was so bad he had to stop and clean the ice off the windshield wipers so he could see. He was bound and determined to get to 3 dates ASAP so he could officially call me his girlfriend.

Every year so far we have ventured back up to our favorite cafe. The food really is good. At least the bacon cheeseburger and the breaded tenderloin-we've never had anything else.

And the people still stare.

15 flowers, 10 months, 5 cows and a diamond ring

It was the first week of Jan. 2007 when I first saw my husband. I had been looking for a church and had finally decided to check one out in LeClaire. Being the shy person that I am, I really didn't want to walk into a new church all alone, but somehow I mustered up the gumption to go.

That first Sunday, as I sat in the sanctuary, it came to that part of the service where they pass around the offering plate, and as the ushers began to pass the plates, suddenly I noticed a guy, one of the ushers that I had not noticed before. He had been back in the fellowship hall preparing for a meeting, so I didn't see him until he handed me the plate.

I didn't actually get to meet him until the next week. This time I noticed him sitting over to the side, and that he was actually one of the sound guys and was sitting in the sound booth. When the time came for "shaking hands," he came over and introduced himself. If I really remember correctly, I was all in a fret that day because it was snowing outside and I was worried about driving home. My car handled terribly in the snow. I don't really remember much other than that. If you ask him, however, he claims that he took my distraction as being "blown off," and that he was mildly heartbroken. Apparently I was not quite as friendly as he had hoped I would be.

By the 3rd Sunday I went to lunch with a family that took several of us "college/career" age kids out to lunch, including this guy. Of course, I sat by him. After some awkwardness, we started talking. I found out that he owned cows, he had a farm, he had tractors, and to top it all off he worked for John Deere! Being raised an International girl, this raised some potential concerns, however, I decided for now I would let this go. I thought it was kind of coincidental that I had just started thinking to myself how I might like to marry a farmer. I claim to have actually known after talking with him this day at lunch that he was the man I was supposed to marry. I wasn't completely convinced of course, but I had a hunch.

It wasn't long before we started emailing back and forth. Somehow he got my email. Later I found out that he got my email by going and finding the visitor card that I had filled out the 1st Sunday I was there. I guess being a deacon had its advantages. He invited me to come to church on Wednesday nights and said he would save a seat for me, which of course he did. He also asked if I wanted to pray with him (this is what they do on Wed nights), and was the first person I ever really prayed with one on one like that.

Shortly after we started emailing, he invited me to a get together that he was having for the college/career age class. I went of course. I found out that not only could he cook, but he had a nice house and even a John Deere tractor in his garage. This event was on a Sunday, so most of us hung out there that afternoon until it was time for evening church. Back at church that night, a couple of our friends that Kev usually sat with decided to invite me to sit with them so that he could sit by me. But do you know what he did? He sat somewhere else that night! I couldn't believe it! I guess he wasn't interested after all. (Later on I found out that our friends informed him that they were trying to "help a brother out," so the next time I sat with them, he was sure to join us).

But then, there was the Super Bowl party. This was at the house of the same people who took us all out to lunch. As we were sitting eating, he mentioned that he would be up in my area for a wedding and asked if I would like to grab some lunch. I of course agreed. We went to an Italian restaurant up in Clinton called Rastrelli's. I sometimes joke with him that this was actually our first date, but really it was meant to be more of a casual lunch. Again, conveniently, he was a deacon so he could always say he was just taking me out to lunch as a courtesy rather than to see if there might be something more there if it didn't go well.

Now here's my favorite part. We had went out to Rastrelli's on a Saturday, February 10th, 2007 to be exact. The coming Wednesday was of course Valentine's Day. As I was sitting at work that day, I suddenly heard someone come in the front door that had a delivery. Several people in the office were getting deliveries that day, I just didn't think I would be one of them. As the receptionist called me up, I went, picked up my 3 pink roses, and brought them back to my desk. I was pretty sure I knew who they were from, but had to make sure. It wasn't long before the receptionist came wandering back to my office, wondering who the roses were from. My parents? No...(Seriously, my parents?) A friend?....Uh....A guy? Uh.....well....

That evening it was back to church. As I walked in the door, the were several people in the foyer bustling about how they had heard Kev on the radio. I didn't really catch why he was on the radio, nor did I happen to see the dozen roses sitting on a table with my name on it that he had won on the radio. After we got done praying, somehow or other the radio came up. As we were talking about it, he finally brought it to my attention that there were another dozen roses sitting for me on the table in the foyer. They were beautiful orange/red/yellow roses. Come to find out he had been listening to the radio on his way to work that morning and heard that they were giving away a dozen roses to the next person that got to the place on time. So what does he do? He floors it, flies into the parking lot, takes out an old lady, and gets the dozen roses.

That night after church, he walked me to my car and asked if I would go out on a date with him. Apparently, my "sure" response was not exactly what he was hoping for, but it was close enough. By that time he was so cold you couldn't tell whether he was shaking from nervousness or freezing, and I was so cold I just wanted him to hurry up and ask already!

Our first date is a whole different story that I will have to share later. Let's just say it involved a very interesting restaurant and a very pointed discussion where I told him he better lock the doors before I tried to jump out.

In March I was going back to meet his parents. By then he had already met mine.

In June we were engaged. My first response was "give me a minute" as I was hyperventilating. Finally I caught my breath enough to say "you know I will." He responded with, "Is that a yes?"

And December 29th, 2007 we were married.

And that's our story.

What I've been up to...

Every time I get the itch to start doing home improvement projects I think its because we're going to move. I have this fear that we're going to get all these projects done only to sell it. Which ultimately is the point I guess, but it's so much work!!! I want to be able to at least enjoy it for a little while...

Anyway, here is our latest project. Kev decided that he wanted to "finish off" the utility room, which for him means finishing off the drywall. But of course, being the creative type that I am, I just can't be content with some off white paint.

I decided to go ahead and finish off the brick in the utility room the same way I've finished it in the other places in the basement, as well as finishing off the walls and eventually the floor.

Here's what we've accomplished so far:


Try to ignore the mess that has accrued as we work through this process. You can see the new color on the wall as compared to the bare drywall that we haven't got to yet. The brick has 2 coats of Drylock under the color. The wall has a coat of primer and 2 coats of topcoat. That's 3 coats for each half! Do you know how long that takes?

I haven't even thought about the floor yet, but I am eager to get that done. That's going to be a lot of fun to move a washer, dryer and freezer so I can paint under them.

Here's the brick right outside this room-its almost done, just needs paint in between the bricks:


And here is what the floor will look like:


Ugh. No more pictures until its done. Its such a mess right now!