Lessons of the Condo: Who Am I?

When I thought about moving here and how God might use it to teach us some things, I didn't think about the hard part of learning things. My problem has been realizing some of the things that had to change, as well as realizing some things I need to change.

Lesson learned: Change is hard.

This book I have been reading has really been opening my eyes to some things. Most recently, I've been the section entitled, "How to come to grips with the real you."

I don't really like thinking about who I am and whether or not I am trying to project an image or whether I am a people pleaser or if I really know who I am. Because I do, I am, and I don't. When you peel back all the layers-and see yourself for who you really are-how can you like what you see? I mean, isn't that the whole reason for all the layers-to shield others from seeing you for what you really are?

But that's where grace steps in. You can put on as many layers as you want, but God can see through them all in ways no one else can. You may be able to fool others, but you're not fooling him.

He extends his grace to us (unmerited favor, undeserved and unearned) when we come to him as we are. No hiding, no pretending. Just us.

For me, it is learning that God loves me just the way that I am, underneath all the layers I try to cover up my imperfections with. He knows that I am not perfect, but he loves me anyway. It's because of that love that he sent his Son to save me.

I mean seriously think about. He loves us unconditionally, regardless of our past, despite our faults and our failures. There is NO WAY to earn his love. There is NO NEED to pretend. There is NOTHING TO GAIN but a deeper relationship with him.

That all he wants: us. No money, no service, no deeds, no sacrifical gifts. Just us as we are.

Lesson learned: I need to learn to see myself the way God sees me, not the way I think the world around me does.

So far I have stayed off my laptop for the week, and the extra time to read and think really does make a difference. I told my husband the other day that after staying off of facebook and looking at it once at the end of the day that "people really aren't that interesting." What I meant by that of course is that it's not worth spending hours on there perusing comments people make during the course of their day, not that people aren't interesting.

As you can see, God has a lot of work to do, but it's up to me to let him do it. I can "try" to cut back on tv, and time on the internet, and read more, etc, but unless I let God work the change from the inside, it's all going to be in vain.

In the r12 book it talks about how the means to lasting change is "renewing you mind," or in other words, changing the way you think about things. If I spend less time thinking about my facebook status and how people will view me according to what I put on there, and more time focusing on and learning who God has made me to be, I think that will have a lasting positive change in my perception of myself. If I spend less time watching all the images that we are constantly bombarded with about what a woman should look like and more time learning how I can become the woman God made me to be, I can actually believe that beauty is not about the facade we can portray through makeup and clothes and fitness, but about our genuine love for others and walking the walk when no one else is looking (or with our husbands and children).

Lesson learned: Lasting change is not outward.

As always, there's a lot more that's been on my heart and mind, but that's all I can put into words for now.  I'll keep working on it.

I'll leave you with this song (because I love Jars of Clay and I think it's fitting):

Confessions of the Condo: 1 month

-I am seriously almost appalled that we have only been here 1 month. It seems like so much longer. Unfortunately it's not really getting easier, but we are a little more used to things I guess. Like now it only takes 1 minute to jiggle the locks on all the outer doors open instead of 5.

-I think I have yet to take a walk outside this week. I'm not sure why, it's been really nice out. I guess my motivation felt crowded and decided to leave.

-Benjamin ALWAYS wakes up an hour into his nap and decides to whine and carry on for awhile before going back to sleep (usually). Sometimes things like typing or scooting the chair across the floor seem to wake him up-either that or breathing.

-I just put clothes in the dryer and found a duplo block in the washer.

-I am attempting to make some jewelry now that I have some free time. It's kind of fun, but part of what I'm trying to make requires me to go out to the garage and since it's not attached I can't really do it unless Kev is home. I'm also finding out that the cost for making it adds up quickly, even when you are trying to be resourceful.

-I just discovered crackle nail polish and I'm loving it. I actually have my nails painted with it right now and I never paint my nails (just my toenails).

-I think I may be a bit of a shopping addict. The problem though is not the money I spend, but the time. For example, because I am cheap, I will go to Goodwill and spend hours perusing the racks. Or, like this morning when I drove across town to visit a consignment shop that was having a $.50 sale. I'm thinking Benjamin is not going to be near as patient when he gets older, or at least not as easy to bribe. The puffs and juice just aren't going to cut it.

 -I'm learning a lot about myself while I'm stuck here. I'll share more about that in a different post, but let's just say I don't have nearly as much of a "willing" heart as I thought I did.

 -Since I shared this earlier about my desire to get back to things-we have been able to make it to Sunday School the last couple of weeks (and we weren't even late!). Now just to continue that and try to pick up Wednesday nights as well-we have small groups starting for the summer in a couple weeks so that makes a perfect time for us to start. I seriously can't tell you how exciting it is to be able to have that time of learning and fellowship again.

-I must confess, I totally open my own blog so I can listen to my music. In my defense, I am staying off my laptop so I don't have access to it any other way but still. Sometimes I leave other people's blogs open and listen to their music if that makes it any better, but I don't think it does.

Lessons of the Condo

So, I've been feeling kind of bad about my confessions lately, and more importantly, the attitude they are revealing. I want to be honest about our experience, but I don't want my emotions about the experience to detract from God's plan in having us here.

So I am going to start this new thing, along with the confessions, and call it "lessons of the condo."

All along, I have felt and believed that part of going through this experience is that God wants to teach us something. There of course is the learning to wait, and trust, and have faith that God will provide, but I think there is much more to it then that. Endurance is to be learned, and patience, and character will be developed from those things, but I think there is even more.

So here it is-my attempt to share some of the things God is teaching me as we go through our condo experience:

-As I contemplated and thought about what God might be trying to teach me, I asked him to help me see any things that may be keeping me from learning what he has for me to learn, or things that might be hindering my relationship with him. Faithful as always, it didn't take long for God to shed some light.

As I was listening to my podcast the next morning, they talked about the idea of not letting the world influence you more than it should and about protecting yourself and your mind from all the icky stuff that's trying to invade. He mentioned the idea of a media fast, and how influential just a few days of not having that constant bombardment can be.

Then it dawned on me. I have already felt convicted about choosing very carefully what I watch on tv, however, I had never thought too much about all the time I spend on the internet. I spend way too much time on the Internet. It's my go to when I am bored, or when I have a moment to relax and am trying not to watch tv. I even watch tv on the internet having convinced myself it is better than watching it live because I don't have to endure the commercials.

Our kids are growing up in this era of bombarding technology, and quite frankly, we are in the midst of it as well. How I choose to respond to it will have a direct effect on my son, and it is critical that I make some decisions now while he is still young about how I want to influence him in that regard. Now is the time for me to form and instill some really good habits that I can hold on to as he grows.

So...in light of that, I turned off my laptop and vowed to leave it off until the end of the month. They say it takes 21 days to instill a habit, and that won't quite be that long, but it's a start. As you can tell I am on the internet now as I write this, but I want to drastically reduce the time I spend on here so that is my goal over the next few weeks. I even hope to leave my laptop at home as I make a trip to Indiana in a few weeks. No checking facebook 15 times a day, no looking for houses on craigslist and qcfsbo incessantly, no browsing ebay just because I am bored.

Lesson learned: You can control what you let in your mind-and what you let in your mind will have a direct effect on how your children deal all that their presented with.

-If I want to learn what God has me to learn, I need to start searching. Could God just reveal to me one day what he has for me to learn? Sure he could. But does he want me to start searching? Yes! "Draw near to God and he will draw near to you," is what the Bible says.

How can I accomplish this you might ask? Well, for me, the answer is actually pretty simple: start reading. I read my Bible, but I have lots of books that will help me delve in even deeper and guide me in learning more about how I can apply the truth's of God's Word.

I used to read a lot, and I know that when I do, it really help me to grow.

So that is what God is teaching me right now-

Lesson learned: If I want to be closer to him and learn in this trial-I need to go searching.

-Another thing I am learning about or being reminded about is that I can choose whether to be ruled by emotions or by what I know to be true. With all the stress, lack of sleep and general uprooting of ourselves and all of our stuff, my emotions have been all over the place. I'm sure you can tell that if you've read some of the confessions. But that doesn't mean I have to lose sight of what I know to be true, if my feelings are guiding me elsewhere. I have post it notes all over my desktop on my laptop (which is now turned off so I can't see them) reminding me of the promises to those who wait on the Lord. I know I can hold on to those things, even when things aren't going the way I would have liked them to. Because he can see what we don't, we can trust that God always knows best, and that he always has our best in mind because he loves us more than we can imagine. I can also keep reminding myself of all the things he has done in the past in my life and in the lives of others that prove his faithfulness.

Lesson learned: I can choose not to be ruled by my emotions but by the truth of God's Word and the promises he has given us.

I'm sure I could come up with even more, but that is what's been on my heart this week.

Hopefully there will be more to come...

P.S. the book I am reading to this week is Living on the Edge-How to Become an R12 Christian (based on Romans 12). We've been studying this in our small group but I hadn't started reading the book until now. If you're interested in growing and maturing in your faith and helping disciple others towards the same-this is a great book to help you get on the right track.

Confessions of the Condo-Only 3 weeks? Really?

-As you can tell from the title of the post I have been reflecting on our time here lately. And the fact that it has only been 3 weeks. I told my husband I don't like this. "Don't like what?" he asked. "This whole condo thing. I don't like it." Yes, it's nicer than we could've ended up with. Yes, it has in an house washer and dryer, and there are lots of places within walking distance. But I still don't like it. I think I've been struggling with finding contentment-regardless of my circumstances. Someone please come and pop my selfish bubble I've been living in lately.

-I was challenged this morning by a statement I heard on a podcast I was listening to. I was listening to Chip Ingram and he was talking about God's best for us and said something along the lines of God sometimes takes us through or allows hard or difficult things to help us realize the bad things we have allowed in our lives-to help us turn away from them.

I've many times been convicted about the kind and amount of media I take in. Growing up TV was how we as a family relaxed in the evening, and I continue to rely on it as a means of taking a moment to unwind or relax. But there is not a lot on there that is good for "renewing my mind," or that helps me do as Phillipians 4:8 says,

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

Nonetheless, I continue to struggle with watching too much and when I do watch it it's not usually something having nothing to do with what the above verse mentions. In fact it is usually the opposite. I spend way too much time on the Internet too, ebay, craigslist, email, facebook-sitting staring at the computer screen while my little one pulls and tugs wanting me to read one of his beloved tractor brochures. Or take him on a walk. Or just give him a moment of my attention.

And then, I have to wonder, is that partly what this whole condo thing is about? We get basically 3 or 4 channels here, and once is classic tv. Is this part of God trying to help me break this bad habit? Is the fact that Benjamin wants to go for a walk daily and generally not wanting to sit around the condo all day training me to take time out of my day just for him? Oh the challenge of fighting everything this world bombards us with, let alone protecting our kids from it. I think before we can protect our kids we have to learn to protect ourselves.

-On a different note, we were finally able to get our church pictures taken on Sunday. I wore a dress I had in my closet rather than one I had gone out and bought for the occasion, some shoes I got for free at a yard sale, and my $.25 jean jacket I got at Goodwill on quarter day. Kev wore a dress shirt and tie rather than a suit because he can't wear a suit coat with his crutches, and Benjamin wore the same tie he wore last week. I think we looked just fine and it was a lot less stressful than last week.

-I am beginning to have a love/hate relationship with our washer/dryer. I love that we have our own here in our unit, however, I think they are pretty much the worst things ever. The washer leaves things wet so I have to run everything on an extra spin cycle, and the dryer always seems to take over an hour to get things dry, then it leaves fuzz all over the place. Okay, rant over.

-We went to Sunday school this Sunday and it was wonderful to be back! I think Kev agreed. Made me so thankful for the ladies in the nursery who sacrifice by watching our kids so we Mom's and Dad's can go to class.

-My bad attitude about the whole condo situation often gets projected on my husband. I spend way too much time thinking about all the things he could be doing to help me more or what I wish he would do rather than appreciating all the things he is already doing. With his knee I have had to take on some of his responsibilities, which, with things like taking out the trash, is even more inconvenient now that we have to go through several locked doors to get to our trash can. I also have to carry everything when we go places (including Benjamin) because he can't with his crutches. The other night we couldn't get the outside door unlocked and I had to take Benjamin and walk all the way around to the front of the building to get in (at 9 o'clock at night).

But rather than be bitter because I have to help out a little more, shouldn't I appreciate that he normally does take care of these things? Since we've been married, he's always taken out the trash, I never even usually worry about it. I hardly ever have had to load the car, because he takes care of it. When we go places together (out to eat, church, etc), he almost always takes care of carrying Benjamin, loading him in and out of the car, etc. Rather than having a complaining spirit because I have to take care of those things temporarily, I should be thankful for all of the ways he contributes and helps out. He doesn't have to, but he does.

Still working on that whole humbling thing this week.

The Dreaded Stockpile

When we first got married I decided that I wanted to become an avid couponer, and it wasn't long before I started learning the art of "stockpiling."

If you're not familiar, that is when you get a really good deal on an item so you "stock up" on it, or in other words, buy a whole lot more than actually need at a given time. The idea is you buy when the price is right, and then have things on hand when you need them. This is not a bad idea in itself of course, unless you become one of those crazy hoarding stockpilers who clears the entire shelf like you might have seen on some of those extreme couponing shows.

I am not and have definitely not ever been the crazy shelf clearing stockpilers. Quite frankly, I didn't have the room even if I wanted to. I did however, get a little carried away on a few things. Like instant potatoes. And Chex Mix. And laundry soap. And cake mixes.

Let me tell you, the last thing you want when dealing with a move is to have a bunch of food on hand. When we put our house on the market, I began frantically trying to reduce the dreaded stockpile. Kev's coworkers were the recipients of a lot of my cake mix reduction as I found several bar type desserts that I could use it in.

Unfortunately, it takes awhile to use up laundry soap. And what in the world do you do with chex besides, well, make chex mix?

Here we go again. My goal in these next few however many months is to significantly reduce the non-perishables.

As I do that, I wanted to share some of the recipes I am utilizing with the hope that others may benefit from the pantry friendly recipes I find.

For last night's supper, I was able to use up a bottle of BBQ sauce, a can of crushed pineapple (well, half of it), a package of frozen green beans and a pouch of instant sour cream and chives potatoes.

Here is the recipe:

Glazed Pineapple Chops



http://www.kraftrecipes.com/recipes/glazed-pineapple-chops-75088.aspx?pf=true

These take about 20 minutes on the grill. I also cooked the green beans on the grill (actually my husband did) by placing them in a foil packet mixed with some onion, bacon, and spices.

The instant potatoes can be ready in a matter of minutes, so I just threw those on the stove.

Easy!

Here is also a dessert that I made today that also took a matter of minutes and helped used up one of my 5 or 6 boxes of Chex Cereal and some corn syrup:

No bake Honey-Peanut Butter Bars



http://www.bettycrocker.com/recipes/no-bake-honey-peanut-butter-bars/c7b46ee0-8b26-41a8-bd16-18af66f58625

There are an amazing number of recipes for different kinds of chex bars-who would've thought! You can find those on bettycrocker.com, one of my favorite recipe sites. Be sure to check out kraftfoods.com too, they also have some great recipes!

Confessions of the Condo-Putting things in Perspective

When I was thinking about my confessions for the week yesterday, I thought they were going to have to take on a more negative tone this week. But as I begin to catch up on sleep and step off my the emotional roller coaster I seemed to be on the last few days, I think I'm regaining my perspective.

-I'm beginning to understand why my son often has emotional meltdowns when he gets too tired. Sure his might be a little more dramatic, but I can put on a pretty good show of my own. Case in point: Benjamin did not sleep through the night one night last week as he usually does, and now that I have my super sensitive Mom radar which awakens with every single stir, neither did I. He preceded to miss a few naps and by the weekend we were both way behind. Not a good combination. After Sunday morning's stressing getting out the door on time (which we did not), squirming and squealing throughout the church service (which we had to leave) and deciding to skip the family get together so we could all go to sleep (which we did), we are finally on the upswing.

-After all our Sunday stress, I was really envying all the facebook activity I saw regarding Easter. Friends and families, Easter egg hungs, pretty dresses and handsome suits. I feel like we totally missed it and like everyone else is having and grand old time while we are sitting here miserable. Again, it's all about perspective of course, and at times I focus on the hardships of the circumstances and the emotions they usher in rather than choosing to see the blessings and cling to the promises. I guess that is the human in me.

-Condo Blessings: Ha! With the things mentioned above? How could I possibly find any this week? Well...I started to complain about the stackable washer/dryer yesterday and how annoying it is, but then I thought-what if I had to go to a shared laundry room (dorm flashback) and try to get our laundry done that way? Okay, I get it-stackable washer/dryer successfully appreciated, thank you Lord for providing that.

-Condo Blessing: Fireplace. I'm actually getting too use it today with the colder temps outside.

-Kev's knee has taken a turn for the better. It popped around again the other day and he was suddenly able to put weight on it without pain. I must say the crutches are a challenge for both of us: I have to try and be sensitive to all the things he can't do and he has to deal with the frustration of all the things he can't do. For example, he can't take out the trash, like he usually does. He can't load the car for church. He can't enjoy going for a walk.

-thinking more about the whole Easter Sunday fiasco, I couldn't help but think of a conversation my husband and I were having last Sunday about facades, especially at church. I was saying I hate how we do that, putting on facades rather than just being real and letting our problems be known so we can move on to healing rather than hiding. Of course I was thinking more about other people rather than ourselves, although my husband made the comment that he thought we did it too...Fast forward one week to this Sunday...A lot of times people comment on how good Benjamin is about sitting in church. I even had someone ask if he was ever bad. I had to keep from lol or rofl. It's easy to pride ourselves and think people must think we are really good parents because we can get our son to sit still for a half hour, when really it takes some work and a lot of prayer and mostly I have to give him the credit because I don't really know why he does it. But it's a facade we can put on. Yes, our son is always good and we should get all the credit because we are just that good of parents. Yeah right. The truth is that are son is just as imperfect as we are and the fit he was throwing this Sunday in church proved it. Facade broken.

-Truthfully, we are struggling with the whole condo situation. That's why I try to focus on some blessings. It's hard going from 1800 sq ft of space to 775. It's hard for my husband to not have a space for himself, previously known as his office. It's been hard for Benjamin to adjust, I am thankful he sleeps through the night but during the day he often wants to leave and either go in the car somewhere or outside. He has been cranky, and tired, and often hard to deal with. Kev's knee has only added to the frustration. Having a 45 minute drive to church now makes it even harder to be faithful about going. But God is here, and something our Youth Pastor said in his sermon on Sunday really stuck with me (it was also pretty much the only part I heard). He asked that we think of something that we are currently dealing with that we would wish away, frustrating things or circumstances that we don't want to deal with. Well that part was pretty easy. But then he said to think of those things as part of God's plan. That really hit me-these circumstances are all part of God's plan. Moving to the condo? Part of God's plan. Kev hurting his knee? Part of God's plan.

That really helped me put things in perspective. As I think back on the hard things God has taken me through, I can always see purpose in them. And I am confident I will do the same when we get to the other side of this. He always has our good in mind, even when we can't see the outcome.

-Another Sunday related confession: I shopped for the last week or two for a dress so that I could have an Easter Sunday dress and also attempted to make it match what Benjamin was wearing and even preceded to drive all over town Saturday trying to find Kev a matching tie so we could get our church picture taken. Not only did I end up buying two dresses and a pair of shoes that I didn't wear, but I made Benjamin miss his afternoon nap because I was driving all over the Quad Cities trying to find an Easter themed tie. Needless to say, I wasted a lot of time because we did not get our pictures taken on Sunday. Kev didn't even wear a tie because I hadn't picked one out for him and when I finally grabbed one on the way out the door he didn't have time to put it on. At least the dresses and shoes I bought were from the place I consign and I used store credit to buy them?

It's been a humbling week.

Easter and the Old Testament

As Easter nears, I have been trying to figure out how to get my focus on the cross. With Good Friday only being a couple days away, I feel like I am a little late.

I've been reading in the Old Testament, so I feel like unless I go and read the gospel accounts, I'm not really going to be able to get my focus where it needs to be this week.

But then this morning I happened upon the story of Naaman. If you're not familiar, the story is found in 2 Kings 5 and is an account of an army commander from a pagan nation who suffered from leprosy.

One day Naaman's wife's slave girl (an Israelite captured in a raid) comes to Naaman's wife and suggests that Naaman see the prophet in Samaria, confident that the prophet would be able to heal him of his leprosy. Naaman decides to follow her suggestion, and goes to see his King to see what he thinks. The King tells him to go and sends some gifts along to help adequately compensate the prophet for his healing.

When Naaman arrives, the Israelite King is not real happy about the request, but Elisha (the prophet) shows up and tells the King to let him take care of it:

" But when Elisha, the man of God, heard that the king of Israel had torn his clothes in dismay, he sent this message to him: “Why are you so upset? Send Naaman to me, and he will learn that there is a true prophet here in Israel.” (2 Kings 5:8)

So Naaman goes to the prophet Elisha's house with all his horses and chariots and waits for him to come out. But instead of coming out, Elisha sends out a messenger with this message:

"Go and wash yourself seven times in the Jordan River. Then your skin will be restored, and you will be healed of your leprosy." (v 10)

Naaman is not happy with the response. "He's not even going to come out here? I expected him to come out and wave his hand over me and pray to the Lord his God and heal me! He wants me to go to this cruddy river in Israel when there are all these sparkling clean rivers I could be going to instead? Forget it!" (v 11-12 paraphrased)

Thankfully Naaman had some levelheaded officers to reason with him:

"Sir, if the prophet had told you to do something very difficult, wouldn’t you have done it? So you should certainly obey him when he says simply, ‘Go and wash and be cured!" (v 13)

Apparently Naaman respected their wisdom. He went down to the Jordan and dipped himself seven times, just as Elisha said, and was instantly healed.

It surely wasn't easy for Naaman to humble himself and go to an Israelite (the enemy) for help. It definitely wasn't easy to believe that by simply dunking himself in the Jordan 7 times he would be healed. But it was that simple.

Wash and be clean.

We're all in need of healing. Like Naaman, we suffer from a contagious disease, which reaps havoc on our souls. Sin seeks to destroy us, but God seeks to heal us.

That's what this week is all about. There's no set of rules or sacrifices that are required of us-just the simple yet sometimes humbling and difficult task of believing that what Jesus did was enough. His sacrifice paid it all, it was his entire purpose in coming to this Earth.

Friday is often times viewed as a solemn and sad day, because it's the day we remember that Jesus died. But's also the day that he willingly fulfilled his purpose, which was to pay the price for our sins, and that was no small matter. In a moment of separateness a holy God turned away from his perfect son as he took on the sins of the world:

"Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” which means “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?" (Mark 15:34)

It's not easy. It wasn't easy for Jesus. But it's simple. He came and he died so that you could live-so that you could be healed.

Naaman took a chance. It wasn't easy, but it was simple:

Wash and be healed. Believe that it is enough.

I hope this Easter that you will do the same.

Lord, now indeed I find,
Thy power, and thine alone,
Can change the leper's spots,
And melt the heart of stone.

Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

Confessions of the Condo

So I've seen this around the blogsphere, and can't help but think it is somewhat liberating and refreshing to just lay our hearts out there every now and then.

So here goes, my "Confessions" from the condo:

-My son had a screaming fit this morning. No idea why other than he seemed to still be tired when he woke up and did not like the fact that I said he could not have his pacifier during "sitting" time (my term for the time when Mommy listens to a podcast and he is supposed to "practice" sitting still and reading his books). My attempts at discipline were only met by more rebellion.

#parentingfail

-In an attempt to recognize the blessings of our current "situation" rather than the inconveniences (which I will now refer to as "condo blessing" from here on out)-I am loving the ability to walk to places. It's so freeing not to have to rely on a vehicle to get to where you need to go, and refreshing to be able to get outside in the fresh air. Plus, it's a way of working exercise in while getting something else done-a double blessing for me who struggles to try and work working out into my day.

#lovingbigcitylife

-I am terrified of setting off the fire alarms in this place. I turned the broiler on for 5 minutes the other day to melt the cheese on top of the pasta dish I was making and managed to end up with blackened cheese. I furiously ran around the place opening every single window and turning our high powered hood fan on high to try and manage the whiff of burntness I thought I smelled.

#cookingfail#535

-Benjamin loves to go outside. The fact that we can walk places is a convenient way for him to con Mommy into taking him for a walk, except that he has come to expect this daily and has decided that he will sit his stubborn little hind right in front of the door until he manages to "convince" me. Our old house was a split level so there was no sitting in front of the door like he can here.

#sometimestheboydrivesmenuts

-We've been hoping/wanting to try and get back to being more faithful church attenders. We used to try and be there whenever the doors were open but have been "taken aback" by this whole parenting thing. Kids are a blessing, but also throw a wrench into your routine. I feel guilty because people would say how they were encouraged by our committment. Now that we live even further away we are hoping to get back to it, but I know it's definitely going to be a challenge. I'm hoping that sharing it here will add an extra degree of accountability.

#guiltisnotagoodmotivater

-I made a hair appointment at a local place that's supposed to be really good, and after making the appointment I found that the cost of a normal haircut is $35, which is outrageous considering I usually pay $10 to $15 at Cost Cutters. I felt bad about calling and cancelling it just because I am cheap, so tonight I am hopefully getting a well worth it $35 haircut.

#cheapandnotashamed

-Kev locked himself out of his car yesterday. I couldn't go get him because Benjamin was sleeping and waking him up from a nap is like asking for a beating. He called AAA and thankfully they came right away.

#Iloveyouevenandhopeyoudon'tmindmewritingaboutyouonmyblog

I think that's enough confessions for the day year.

Change Amidst the Unchanging Truth

So I'm sitting here in awe that a whole year has passed since my last post. I could say its because I've been a busy Mom, but I know that it's more a matter of priorities and motivation.

One of my New Years resolutions is to incorporate more balance in my life. I think that will never be an achieved goal, but more one that I am constantly working on.

And now, sitting here in a condo instead of my house, I find that I have more opportunity than ever to try and work on that goal.

We kept saying "we can always move into an apartment for awhile." But I never thought we would actually have to. Now here we are.

It seems like it would have been so much easier to just move into our new house rather than sell our house and still be looking for our new house. But I can't help but think know that God has a reason for all of this.

I'm not going to try and hide it, this has been a whole lot harder than I thought it would be. I kept telling myself that I was willing to do whatever God would ask of us, even if it meant moving somewhere temporarily rather than finding a house by the time we closed on ours.

But as we began apartment hunting, packing and generally turning all of the order I had we knew upside down, I found I was not nearly as willing as I thought. Thought's like

I really wish we didn't have to do this.

or

Why do we have to do this? Why couldn't we just have found a house in time?

often graced my thoughts.

Then we found a condo in a wonderful neighborhood for a very reasonable price (comparatively) with a fireplace and laminate wood floors (I had feared the nastiness that carpets soak up from it's previous occupants and my son crawling around in it).

Thank you for your goodness to us Lord should have been my response.

But then we moved and Benjamin was cranky (though sleeping through the night instantly-another reason to say "Thank you Lord!") and Kev hurt his knee and was rendered immobile for the rest of the day and suffered a migraine on top of it all. And someone got a hold of our credit card and charged $2000 on it (none of which we were held liable, thank you Lord). And more than anything, we were just plain exhausted.

And thank you Lord was immediately shoved out and replaced by this is hard.

But I keep reading and reminding myself that

God is good, all the time.

and

All thing work together for the good of those who love him.

and

He will never give us more than we can handle.

and

He always has our best in mind.

and

He loves us so much that he sent his very own son to die in our place.

and I remember all the hard times he's brought us through already and how we've grown through the things that we would never wish for and I find

contentment

and

hope

and

strength.

God is good all the time, and even when our circumstances try to tell us otherwise, I know, because he is unchanging, that it is still true.