True Woman 101: Total Makeover

 

This week we took a look at the makeover God would want us to have for us to learn to "dress" according to his divine design. 

For some, the idea of being a True Woman might seem unpleasant, or at least not something you really want to commit to for fear of the consequences. But as we saw this week, when we look at womanhood as something "Good" that God delights in, it helps to change our perspective. As God's creation, we are remarkable, wonderfully made, magnificent, wonderful creatures!

I guess I don't really think of being a "True Woman" as unpleasant, just difficult. When you are taught by the world to be the exact opposite of what God designed you to be, it's really hard to get back to what God had in mind. Lots of bad habits to break, lots of thinking to renew.

When I think of a good poem, I think of elegant words put together just write in order to form a beautiful and cohesive whole, with the sort of imagery that helps you paint a picture in your mind and evokes emotions and thoughts, and even stimulates your senses. And that's what God had in mind when he created man and woman. We are a vital part of his perfect love story. 

When a woman is devoted to a man,  she wants to spend time with him, is willing to make sacrifices for him, tell him and others of her love and devotion for him, and is completely faithful to him. Her heart belongs to him.

If we are truly dedicated to Christ, the same should be true. We should have a desire to spend time w/ him, in his Word and in prayer. We should be willing to make sacrifices for him, to do his will no matter the cost. We should tell be telling others of our love and devotion for Him. And we should be faithful to him. Our hearts should belong to him, not the things of this world.

Unfortunately, there will always be sin to deal with, and as women, we have some that we are especially prone to.  

Being reverent, NOT slanderers. As women, we are prone to gossip. That of course is a sin. Having and exercising self-control. Loving our husbands and children and putting them before ourselves (or even others). Being pure. Caring for our homes and making them an inviting place for others. Being kind and submissive.

Instead of being harsh and critical with our words, we are to be gentle and responsive. Instead of placing ourselves and our wants and desires at the top of our priority list and striving for what we want (sometimes at the expense of our family), we are to be sure to place our family as a priority. And of course, we should be more focused on our character and living a life of purity and becoming more like Christ, not tirelessly working to preserve or improve our outward appearance.

Of course men are also called to overcome their gender-specific sin tendencies.

Being sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled and sound in faith, love and steadfastness. Men are to be good leaders-that is, there to have integrity and practice self control. If they're power hungry, abusive, tyrannical or out of control, then they're not practicing Godly leadership. One who leads out of love and a desire to serve practices what Christ spoke of when he said that to be a leader you must first be a servant.

As with all things, there are some common misconceptions about the biblical call for women to embrace the traits of gentleness, quietness, and amenability.

Gentleness is often seen as weakness or meekness. Being quiet is seen as being seen and not heard. Amenable is often misinterpreted as meaning you have to be a doormat.

God created women with a specific design in mind, but he also created them with a variety of personalities. The traits he created women to display were to reflect the heart of his son, and that can come across regardless of your personality. An extrovert can display gentleness just as well as an introvert. A "loud" person can have a quiet heart. You can be a strong willed amenable person.

For me, the area where I most see the need for a spiritual makeover is in the area of quietness. Though I have a quiet disposition externally, I do not always have a quiet heart, especially when faced with difficult circumstances. I'm quick to fret and worry myself sick. I also struggle with gentleness. I need to build more of a trust in God's goodness and control over the situation rather than relying on my own strength.

 And remember, "the cultivation of spiritual beauty requires consistent, Spirit-inspired, grace-enabled, Christ-trusting effort." Unlike all the makeover shoes today, this kind of makeover does not happen in a few hours. It's a lifetime pursuit. 

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

Confessions of the Condo: Ugh

I feel like I've been under a great deal of stress lately. My body is feeling it. My mind has had enough of it. And my spirit needs refreshment. 

~Sunday started w/ me staying home from church. I had one of your run of the mill things I knew I need antibiotics for, so I went to Urgent Care. They told me nothing was wrong.

~Sunday night Benjamin was up in the middle of the night. I actually had to get up and sit with him for an hour or so until he went back to sleep. He hardly ever does that. I hardly ever take naps, but I did on Monday.

~Monday we got a call from our realtor telling us "if" we could come up on an offer we made on a house last week, we might be able to make it work.  We had already offered our top dollar based on what we thought it was worth, and this was more. Lots to think about to say the least. We have been racking our minds all week trying to figure out what to do.

~Monday night our tenants called to say their A/C was not working. Really? Now? Thankfully Kev was able to get a hold of the repair guy and get it fixed quickly. I couldn't imagine the poor things trying to sleep in this heat without air.

~Tuesday I made another trip to the Doc b/c I was sure I needed antibiotics. I was right.

~Wednesday morning (I guess that would be today) my Dad called and told me my horse might have to be put down. I guess he had got into something and torn up his leg really bad. Thankfully my Mom called not too much later and said they were able to sew him up, but he would have a several month recovery.

We called our Realtor this afternoon, I'm on antibiotics, Benjamin is sleeping well again, the tenants AC is working, and my horse is still alive. I'm hoping we're on the upswing.

True Woman 101: Hear Me Roar

  

This week we took a look at Women's Movement and it's influence in shaping our culture and ideas about womanhood. Although I am probably unaware of most of the feminist influence in my own life, I can think of several ways that feminist ideas have influenced my thinking.

For one, I grew up in a home with a working Mom. Having a working Mom, I had always been career minded, and was encouraged to find one that would suit me and that I would enjoy. But being a homemaker and/or stay at home Mom was never really considered.

Additionally, the exposure I had in college to feminist ideas has probably influenced my thinking as well. I have read Betty Friedan's book the Feminist Mystique, took a Feminist Art Class, and had lots of exposure to feminist ideas during my college years having gone to a fairly liberal college. We had Take Back the Night events, Women's Studies majors and minors, gender based groups, etc.

In terms of the feminist ideas in college, I didn't really see it as positive. In all actuality, it seemed kind of radical. It was pretty much opposite of what Scripture would paint as a picture for womanhood. Be empowered. Be strong. Be better than men. It's a competition. Trying to prove ourselves and that we are better than men. That gender definitions are up to us. That power and strength and independence is the what we should strive for.

The ideal in Scripture seems to have become the total opposite of today's ideal. For women today, it's acceptable to be sassy, brash, immodest, loud, rebellious and materialistic. The ideal woman of Scripture doesn't really worry about adoring herself with fancy things. Instead she has a quiet and gentle countenance, a compassionate heart and hardworking hands.

For me as a Christian, I definitely would seek to be the scripturally based woman, although it's tempting at times to be like today's ideal. The lastest trends are not always modest, for example, or as modest as we should be. And its tempting to shop rather than work, or feel that we are entitled to shopping because of our hard work. When I feel down or am having a bad day, I like to turn to shopping to make me feel better. Or desserts. Or coffee. I may not end up spending a lot of money, but I do waste time. I may not binge, but it definitely does not make me feel better to eat fattening foods.
 

It's a constant struggle. But God's design is good and perfect, and we simply must trust that his ways our best when the culture tries to tell us otherwise. The biggest problem of course with today's ideal and the things listed above is that they are only temporary. You may feel good for awhile, but afterwards you will be racked with guilt and pain. God's design promises life, and life more abundantly. He has eternity in mind, whereas the culture seems only concerned about the moment.

The book stated that statistics have shown that as women have gained more education, more economic independence, more power, and more freedom, they have become less and less happy.

Perhaps this is because they are looking to the wrong thing's for fulfillment. It's not what God created us for, so it's not the answer. It's kind of like these things are at one end of the spectrum, and God is at the other. As we move more and more toward these things, we move further and further away from God and embracing his design for us. Our ultimate fulfillment is in God, and in having a relationship with him, not in embracing and promoting ourselves and our own strength.

For some, the concept of true womanhood presents a “Fear Factor.” Perhaps this is because it calls us to turn away from and let go of all of our own ideas of what we think will fulfill us, and instead look to God and his ways. We may have been told and taught a lot of different things, but we have to turn and trust that His ways are best.

I tell myself that God has my best in mind, but it seems like I doubt it at times. I need to trust that whatever the Lord calls me to, he will give me the strength and the desire to do it, whether it's as a wife, a Mom, or just being an everyday woman of God. It's not about me, or my strength, or how tough I can pretend to be, or taking about care of myself. It's about doing all things through the only one who can truly give me strength to do it, and giving him the glory for it. Because when it comes down to it, that's what it's all about: giving him the glory. Not getting it for ourselves. 

True Woman 101: Battle of the Sexes

  

This week we delve into the raging war between male and female, also known as the battle of the sexes. We took a look at where it began, how it's affected us, and why it continues.

To start things off, we took a look at what was amiss in Adam and Eve’s behavior during Eve’s interaction with the Serpent. 

For starters, they acted totally independent of each other, and tried to blame others rather than owning up to their wrong choices. The serpant intentionally circumvented the mans' authority by going straight to the woman, and the woman acted on her own behalf instead of consulting her husband. This displayed an attitude of independence rather than interdependence (God's intended design for their relationship).

This led to some consequences. Gender specific consequences. And with it came the inititial components of the battle. 

Pain in childbearing for women, pain and toil for men. Women were also given a spirit of independence, so that "(their) desire would be for (their) husband, but he will rule over (them)." In their independence, women seek to control their husbands and their circumstances, robbing men of the leadership role for which they were created and causing a great deal of strife in the male-female relationship.

Sin causes us to want to live outside God's original design. In Eve's original sin, she shows no observance of the man's authority or of God's-she simply takes matters into her own hands. It's the same with women today. They desire to exert their independence which often times means walking all over men and their ego's, with no regard of God's intended design. Women desire control and power at their husband's expense. Men, on the other hand, abuse their leadership role by acting chauvinistic and arrogant rather than lovingly leading. Sin twists the the positive desires that God intended for men and women into a negative desire to resist, rebel, and abuse.

As a woman, I can attest to these consequences personally. The pain in childbearing becomes a painful reality fairly obviously when you have a baby. It starts with the pain and discomfort of pregnancy, which ends with an incredible amount of pain and discomfort. There's also the emotional pain you feel as a mother-when you can't take away your children's pain, when you see them going through physical pain and difficulty, or as they get older and endure the trials and troubles of life.

In terms of the having a desire to overthrow your husband sort of thing, I think that's something we all struggle with. How often have I talked over my husband, not taken the time to listen to him, complained, had a bad attitude, etc? Or over any man for that matter? I've definitely done it with my Dad as well (hello teenage years). It's the cry of our culture to exert ourselves as women-our independence, worth, entitlement-we deserve respect, yes, but not at the expense of men's.

At times, we may be tempted to view men as the enemy. Personally, I don't think we can really blame men when Eve was the one who 1. Listened to the Lie, 2. Acted totally independent of her husband in the matter and 3. Ate the fruit.

Adam shouldn't have eaten the fruit either, but Eve's the one that did it first. Both made the wrong choice and chose to sin. When we view men as the enemy, we fail to identify the real problem, which is sin itself and our own choice to indulge in it. As long as we see men as "the enemy" we can't experience the interdependent relationship that God designed us for.
 

When you see a man who abuses his power as a leader, it makes you want to fight back and take the power away from them. When you here of a man being abusive of a woman, it arouses feelings of anger and defensiveness. But these type of men are not embracing God's design. The key is in remembering what is really to blame, and that is sin. God has given men a great responsibilty in properly exerting their leadership and strength, and when they abuse that power and give in to sin, we can know with certainty that they will be called to account for their actions. 

The women’s movement encouraged women to do womanhood their own way. But the obliteration or self-definition of gender roles is not the solution to the pain of womanhood.As the book states, "at the heart of the women's lib/feminist movement was the idea that to be happy, women needed to be "liberated" from age-old ideas about womanhood...They needed to fight against male dominance, and seize the power and right to self-define." 

Women felt that they were being oppressed, and that it was men's fault. They embraced the power and right to self-define rather than looking to the one who created them to define their purpose, which has now resulted in damaged marriages, failure to embrace the fulfillment found in motherhood, and general moral decline. The male-female relationship has been severely damaged by the demand to define for ourselves our roles and responsibilities of men and women.

For more on the "Battle of the Sexes," see the True Woman 101 tab.

Confessions of the Condo: Snippets

It hasn't been the best week (or two, or three) here at the condo. Rather than rant and rave, which I surely will if given the chance, I will share some snippets of life here at the condo as of late:

~when I got a coupon for a $2.99 haircut at the new Great Clips down the way, I figured why not? Let's just say I got what I paid for.

It WILL grow back.

~Benjamin hates the pool. Last week he had an hour and a half meltdown after being there for 5 minutes and never actually getting in the water. I've been there twice and have yet to actually get in.

Maybe pools are overrated.

~the cold that never ends (seriously, why do I always get colds in July?)

 I think my body is trying to tell me something.

~the hubby's favorite phrases: "just another kick in the head" and (when asked how things are going) "top knotch marvelous" (when Kevin resorts to sarcasm, you know it's bad)

At least we're in this together. 

~The blower fan for the AC in the van went out the day it started hitting 90 degrees.

Praise the Lord for AC. And 3 vehicles.

~I drove by a house last Saturday (we always do that before we look at it w/ the realtor), thinking it just might be "the one." It wasn't. Fifty miles of backroads later (at least it seemed that way), it didn't look near as impressive.

Be thankful for the no's...

~Every Sunday we drive past a church that has one of those sign boards out front. It started with

I will not fail you.


Then


Wait patiently for me. 


Now


Humble yourself before me.

This song has been in my head this week. Which is weird considering I haven't actually listened to it for quite some time. I hope it will encourage your heart as it has been encouraging mine:

True Woman 101: Snake In My Garden

This week we studied the effect's of the Serpent's schemes in corrupting our divine design. We began to see his goal to destroy manhood, womanhood, marriage and family, and how, by God's grace, we can reclaim the beauty of God's divine design.

We began by identifying the original and intended attributes of the relationship between the man and the woman, and ultimately, between man and his Creator. We saw how he intended a husband and wife to experience kinship, commitment, unity, communion, authenticity, and purity.

Of all these attributes, for me, commitment is one that really appeals to me. In a day and age where there are fewer and fewer who are willing to keep and uphold the commitment they make to one another, it's really saying something when you see a couple that is keeping that promise. Jesus of course demonstrated the ultimate commitment by sacrificing his own life for us, so it's pretty awesome that marriage is a reflection of that. Just as we are joined together in marriage, so also are we joined with him when we receive him as our Savior, and unlike so many marriage's in our culture, we can know with absolute certainty that he will never leave or forsake us.

The first male-female relationship perfectly put God on display. They were joined together in perfect unity. Just as we are united with Christ and made spotless by his blood, so also were they united and pure. There was no arguing, no threat of one of them leaving, no selfishness or ill will, it was a perfect relationship. That is God-selfless, loving, committed, perfect in holiness-their relationship perfectly displayed God's most important attributes.

Satan doesn't want God to be glorified, so he sought to destroy God's perfect design. In doing so, he went straight to that which was created in God's very image-man. By marring the perfect relationship between man and woman and ultimately God and man, Satan destroyed the perfect union between God and his creation. Ultimately God would restore this union through Christ, but man would forever live and struggle with the consequences of sin. 

His sales pitch was compelling to say the least.  Harmless. Attractive. Promising. Sin always has a way of captivating our attention. It appears good. It appears harmless. But it's full of consequences.

Before I met my husband, I really didn't think finding a man that was strong spiritually was really that important, as long as he was attractive and we had similar interests, I thought my faith was strong enough to compensate. So wrong! As I started to pray to find a man that would love and respect me and my faith, and encourage me spiritually and eventually found my husband, I realized how critical it is to find a person that will strengthen and support you in your faith. I'm so thankful that God always has our best in mind and keeps us from making some of the worst mistakes we could make.

"I'll do it my way." How often is that our attitude? We leave God out of the picture and think it's going to go well for us. When we try to do things apart from God though, we miss the whole point of his plan for us and finding what will truly fulfill us and bring us joy. When we believe that our way is best, we reveal that we don't really believe God has our best in mind, that he isn't loving, kind or good. It's a totally self-centered way of thinking where we become our own God and think we have the right to make our own decisions b/c we think only we know what's best for us. It's totally absent of a trust in a loving Creator who created us with a purpose in mind and is always working things together for our good.

Of course Satan's lies aren't always so obvious. He's embedded all kinds of them into our culture that are in total opposition to God's design. 

Outward beauty is what defines us. 

We are not equal to men. 

Independence and strength are qualities that women should strive for.

As is stated in Genesis 3, "And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you." Women have stomped all over men's ego's trying to exert their independence. To quote the book, "We often have an "us" versus "them" mentality. Women ridicule and belittle men. Men objectify and demean women. We argue about who is better. We compete. We point fingers and blame. We forget that we're connected-that we're in this together."

I have listened to these lies, dwelt on and believed many of them and even acted on some. I might have an okay attitude toward men in general, but I often have a lousy one with my husband. We are interdependent about some things, but I'm still holding on to some of my independent tendencies. I could definitely work on cultivating a more respectful attitude toward him by not arguing, supporting, encouraging, and just letting him lead. Or even just letting him talk! Just learning to listen to him rather than constantly babbling on and not interrupting would be a good start.

As a woman, I  have blamed my circumstances and other people (how I was raised, the role models I've had) for the choices I've made, rather than owning up to them and realizing that it was MY choice in who and what I let define me. Putting on the new nature means first owning up to my role in my poor choices, offering forgiveness, casting off the sinful habits they have led to, and putting on the things of Christ.  

With his help, we truly can reclaim the beauty of God's divine design. 

"Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy. Ephesians 4:21-24