Confessions of the Condo: Struggling

-This is one of those weeks where I've spent countless hours perusing house listings. I can't find anything. For some reason I think if I keep looking, maybe I will just happen upon something I haven't seen before. At the same time I know when the right one does come up, I'm probably not going to have to go looking for it, but I can't help myself.

-Going along with that, this is also one of those weeks where I'm struggling. It may take less than an hour to get this condo clean, but it also seems to get dirty an hour after I get done cleaning. When Benjamin makes his usual daily mess with his toys, it takes up most of the living room and doesn't take much before it spreads to his room and our room and the bathroom and the kitchen so it makes the whole place feel messy. We also have to eat at the counter so the counters seem to always be dirty. As you can tell I don't deal well with messiness, but I have a hard time keeping it as spotless as I would like. Maybe there's a lesson here?

-I had someone make the comment recently that Benjamin should be able to play outside (even if it means a few bumps and scrapes-commenting on the knot on his noggin). After all little boys need to be outside. I didn't have the heart to tell her that he can't really play outside very often because there is no where for him to play outside (unless we go to the park). He considers being able to go out to the garage quite the treat.

-We have people ask if there is any update on the housing situation, or if there's been any movement in the market. Lately, my husband's reply has been basically "stagnant."  I don't know if I have ever seen it so stagnant. I'm trying to convince myself this is a good thing because that way we are tempted to settle for something smaller or less than what we are looking for, but it's also slightly discouraging because there hasn't been anything like what we are looking for. Nothing. I'm also tempted to think that when something does come up, everyone is going to go for it because there hasn't been anything for so long. It's definitely stretching our faith-trusting that God WILL work it all out and that he DOES have our best in mind, that he IS faithful and he DOES hear our prayers.

-I've been battling tiredness lately. Too much stress and too little sleep. Heartburn. Cranky little boy. Shoulder out of whack giving me headaches. Complain much? I know, but I've just felt terrible. I figured it was coming. I've been trying to read a lot and take advantage of the opportunity to refresh and grow and focus more on others while I'm here. Satan doesn't like that, so he gave me a few things to try and take me back a few steps. I'm learning though the importance of rest. Without it I'm drained. Without it, I've got nothing to give as a wife and a mom, because I'm running on empty. I'm more inclined to late nights than early mornings, so it's a struggle for me to start getting ready for bed at 9 pm, but I feel so much better when I get a good night's rest.

-I was dwelling on my problems and my tiredness and basically having a pity party for myself the other day. Then, while I was walking into HyVee, I saw a mom with two younger children, plus a third, which she was lowering out of her accessible van because the daughter was in a wheelchair. I knew I needed to be focusing more on the blessings I have, but seeing her plus some things that others I know are going through really put things into perspective for me. What a blessing it is to have a healthy little boy. It didn't have to be that way. But God in his graciousness brought us through some tough stuff.

How can I doubt him now?

God is good all the time. Believe it, even when it doesn't feel like it's true, because it is. He never changes. It's true, regardless of our circumstances.

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
The Lord will give grace and glory;
No good thing will He withhold
From those who walk uprightly.
                              Psalm 84:11