Confessions of the Condo-Putting things in Perspective

When I was thinking about my confessions for the week yesterday, I thought they were going to have to take on a more negative tone this week. But as I begin to catch up on sleep and step off my the emotional roller coaster I seemed to be on the last few days, I think I'm regaining my perspective.

-I'm beginning to understand why my son often has emotional meltdowns when he gets too tired. Sure his might be a little more dramatic, but I can put on a pretty good show of my own. Case in point: Benjamin did not sleep through the night one night last week as he usually does, and now that I have my super sensitive Mom radar which awakens with every single stir, neither did I. He preceded to miss a few naps and by the weekend we were both way behind. Not a good combination. After Sunday morning's stressing getting out the door on time (which we did not), squirming and squealing throughout the church service (which we had to leave) and deciding to skip the family get together so we could all go to sleep (which we did), we are finally on the upswing.

-After all our Sunday stress, I was really envying all the facebook activity I saw regarding Easter. Friends and families, Easter egg hungs, pretty dresses and handsome suits. I feel like we totally missed it and like everyone else is having and grand old time while we are sitting here miserable. Again, it's all about perspective of course, and at times I focus on the hardships of the circumstances and the emotions they usher in rather than choosing to see the blessings and cling to the promises. I guess that is the human in me.

-Condo Blessings: Ha! With the things mentioned above? How could I possibly find any this week? Well...I started to complain about the stackable washer/dryer yesterday and how annoying it is, but then I thought-what if I had to go to a shared laundry room (dorm flashback) and try to get our laundry done that way? Okay, I get it-stackable washer/dryer successfully appreciated, thank you Lord for providing that.

-Condo Blessing: Fireplace. I'm actually getting too use it today with the colder temps outside.

-Kev's knee has taken a turn for the better. It popped around again the other day and he was suddenly able to put weight on it without pain. I must say the crutches are a challenge for both of us: I have to try and be sensitive to all the things he can't do and he has to deal with the frustration of all the things he can't do. For example, he can't take out the trash, like he usually does. He can't load the car for church. He can't enjoy going for a walk.

-thinking more about the whole Easter Sunday fiasco, I couldn't help but think of a conversation my husband and I were having last Sunday about facades, especially at church. I was saying I hate how we do that, putting on facades rather than just being real and letting our problems be known so we can move on to healing rather than hiding. Of course I was thinking more about other people rather than ourselves, although my husband made the comment that he thought we did it too...Fast forward one week to this Sunday...A lot of times people comment on how good Benjamin is about sitting in church. I even had someone ask if he was ever bad. I had to keep from lol or rofl. It's easy to pride ourselves and think people must think we are really good parents because we can get our son to sit still for a half hour, when really it takes some work and a lot of prayer and mostly I have to give him the credit because I don't really know why he does it. But it's a facade we can put on. Yes, our son is always good and we should get all the credit because we are just that good of parents. Yeah right. The truth is that are son is just as imperfect as we are and the fit he was throwing this Sunday in church proved it. Facade broken.

-Truthfully, we are struggling with the whole condo situation. That's why I try to focus on some blessings. It's hard going from 1800 sq ft of space to 775. It's hard for my husband to not have a space for himself, previously known as his office. It's been hard for Benjamin to adjust, I am thankful he sleeps through the night but during the day he often wants to leave and either go in the car somewhere or outside. He has been cranky, and tired, and often hard to deal with. Kev's knee has only added to the frustration. Having a 45 minute drive to church now makes it even harder to be faithful about going. But God is here, and something our Youth Pastor said in his sermon on Sunday really stuck with me (it was also pretty much the only part I heard). He asked that we think of something that we are currently dealing with that we would wish away, frustrating things or circumstances that we don't want to deal with. Well that part was pretty easy. But then he said to think of those things as part of God's plan. That really hit me-these circumstances are all part of God's plan. Moving to the condo? Part of God's plan. Kev hurting his knee? Part of God's plan.

That really helped me put things in perspective. As I think back on the hard things God has taken me through, I can always see purpose in them. And I am confident I will do the same when we get to the other side of this. He always has our good in mind, even when we can't see the outcome.

-Another Sunday related confession: I shopped for the last week or two for a dress so that I could have an Easter Sunday dress and also attempted to make it match what Benjamin was wearing and even preceded to drive all over town Saturday trying to find Kev a matching tie so we could get our church picture taken. Not only did I end up buying two dresses and a pair of shoes that I didn't wear, but I made Benjamin miss his afternoon nap because I was driving all over the Quad Cities trying to find an Easter themed tie. Needless to say, I wasted a lot of time because we did not get our pictures taken on Sunday. Kev didn't even wear a tie because I hadn't picked one out for him and when I finally grabbed one on the way out the door he didn't have time to put it on. At least the dresses and shoes I bought were from the place I consign and I used store credit to buy them?

It's been a humbling week.