Pleasant Pain

This one's for you SIL!

For the last month or so I have been struggling with a health issue. I won't go in to details, but its one of those nagging things that just won't go away. And of course, the longer it endures, the more I worry.

I've been to the Dr for this issue three times, and will return for the 4th visit today which will probably lead to my being referred to a specialist. Although I will do anything I need to do to help make this better, I was really hoping this could be avoided. But I digress.

The real reason I brought this up is because it has really made me think about some things.

As I told my SIL in an email conversation the other day, I am a chronic prepare myself for the worster. I can turn the common cold into life threatening respiratory failure in a matter of days. That "twang" in my stomach-could it be cancer? I'm too young to die! What about my poor husband?!!!And of course, the more I worry, the worse my symptoms become. Your body really can respond to your mental perception of things.

And that's just a taste of the out of control spiral that my mind begins to descend. It's really quite ridiculous and would be somewhat embarrassing if you could actually hear the thoughts that run through my "creative" mind.

Now, I know a couple of people that have been dealing with health issues lately. One of them is my dear SIL (sister in law to those of you who haven't caught on to that yet). Her latest battle has not only been her health, but the consequences of having to miss work because of her health, having to miss one of her best friends wedding's because of her health, along with the uncertainty that went with her condition before she was officially diagnosed.

Before I had this issue that I'm dealing with that has caused me worry, I don't think I fully appreciated what she was going through. The uncertainty that she was facing might have broke me. She has gone for months and even years not knowing what was making her feel so awful, and here I am, having had an issue for a month, and I am in inconsolable despair.

Where is my faith? Well, apparently doubt has taken its place. These kinds of things not only help me to catch a glimpse of what others might be going through, but they also show me just how small my faith really is.

And how far I have to go.

I shared with her that "God disciplines us because he loves us." If that is true, why do I worry so much? Shouldn't I be at rest in the fact that God is refining me, and this trial is part of what will promote my Christian growth?

Honestly, I have to take my worry to God every day. Every day, with every symptom that occurs, significant or not, I have to honestly come to him with my worry and ask for his peace. And as he walks me through this trial, I learn to trust him a little bit more...

Every day.

If you let him, God will use your pain to draw you closer to him. I know this because he's done it before. He uses trials to grow your faith, to make you stronger.

Check out this verse that I came across today: "I am concerned for you and will look down on you with favor, you will be plowed and sown. "

Let's face it, the thought of being "tilled" isn't very pleasant. Sewing isn't that much fun either. But the fruit of these efforts leads to a harvest of blessing which is what makes life truly worthwhile.

"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who've been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees."

Hebrews 12:4-11